Many women (and some men, too) fall in love and think they can "fix" the person they're with. He may have bad hair, she may smoke, he could snore at night or wear the wrong clothing. Most of these problems can be dealt with, but there some that cannot and sexual chemistry is the biggest.
A recent letter to The Daily Mail relationship expert asks this very question: Can a relationship survive when you have everything in place but the good sex? The answer, sadly, is a resounding no. If the sex is bad, the relationship must end.
Oh I know. I can hear the groaning from here. But the answer holds firm. Try as you might to believe otherwise, sexual chemistry is an absolute deal-breaker in a relationship. It may seem shallow, but it really isn't.
The fact is, in any relationship with the opposite sex that is more than platonic, it's the sex itself that distinguishes it. Sex is the mortar that holds the bricks together. It can keep you stable when all else is failing and it's what the two of you share that makes it intimate and just between you.
This is obviously not the only thing that makes a relationship stick. Humor also matters as do similar values. There also has to be mutual respect and the sense that you both get one another as well. But there is no denying the fact that any of these latter qualities can be shared with a good friend whether of the same gender or the opposite. What sets a romantic relationship apart is the sex.
Good sex doesn't always have to mean the same thing. Everyone's idea of good sex is different. The whole point is that you have sexual chemistry and compatibility. The woman who wants sex every day isn't going to go well with the man who wants it once a month. The man who likes to experiment with costumes and role play isn't going to like the woman who is only comfortable with missionary style sex in the bedroom.
This isn't to say that couples can't go outside their comfort zone, but the general compatibility ought to be there. The relationships I have seen most often end because of sexual reasons. We can convince ourselves otherwise and for good reason. Loving someone does force a person to try to make it work. But circles can't be squares, people. Let's try to keep some perspective and understand that chemistry comes from within.
Back in my dating days, there were more than a couple men who were perfect on paper and with whom I now have good friendships with whom there was zero sexual chemistry. With the man who became my husband, it was explosive from day one. Dating someone with whom the sex is only bad to mediocre is asking for a heartbreak. Beware, ladies (and gents), it's the truth.
Do you think sexual compatibility is crucial?
Image via Horia Varlan/Flickr