This May Be the Toughest Secret Any Woman Ever Had to Share

Transgender womanI’m like one of the last people in the free, functional world to have an AOL account (remember those? Almost as ancient as Hotmail, right?) And despite what you might think, it wouldn’t be that bad if me and my adult ADHD-having self didn’t get so easily distracted by the links to Huffington Post stories that pop up every time I reply to an email.

I’m constantly being led all over la la land because I’ll see an interesting headline and then I’m off on a tangent. And so that’s what happened the other day when I stumbled on a story by Janet Mock, who is cute as a button. 

If I’m being perfectly honest, I was first drawn in by her picture and the fabulous hair she has in it. But once I bypassed the superficiality, I learned that she’s a transgender woman sharing her story about telling the man she’d been seeing that she, once upon a time, had been a he. 


Relationships are always riddled with some kind of complication, but I can’t even imagine factoring a gender change confession into one.

To make an already tentative situation even more stressful, Mock waited until after several dates to reveal to her new beau that she’d been born male and had flown to Thailand when she was 18 to make her transformation official. I can only imagine how nervous she was that he would not only reject her, but that he would be angry, even irate.

Like she pointed out, it’s not completely uncommon for a transgender woman to find herself in the crosshairs of danger when a guy learns the chick he’s been hitting on is trans, much less one he’s been flirting with, hanging out with, cuddling with, and perhaps even getting kissy huggy touchy feely with. That revelation can turn an otherwise docile, laid-back dude into a raging maniac.

So in more ways than one, she was taking a gamble with her emotional self and her physical self by telling her boyfriend the bare naked truth about who she was. I have no idea when the right time to drop a bomb like that is, but I’m thinking that, in a way, she waited a little long to let him in on the secret. By then, they were both attached and he could’ve felt duped for all the time he’d spent with her without knowing.

On the other hand, their courtship allowed him to get to know her as a person rather than seeing her as the product of a transgender surgery. Lucky for her, her way worked out, and I think that says a lot for the kind of man she has. That’s a big yay for the guys who can love unconditionally, even across non-traditional lines.

When you have to drop a big piece of news on your significant other, when’s the best time to do it?

Image via Guillaume Paumier/Flickr

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