If You Have to Schedule Sex, You Have Already Lost

Scheduling sex is the thing everyone tells you to do after you have kids, careers, and busy lives as a married couple. But no one really ever says how incredibly, disgustingly, and horrifyingly unsexy that is. If it works for you, then awesome, but for me, the idea of scheduling sex would make it as appealing as a dentist appointment.

The Huffington Post addressed this issue this week. They quote Dr. Eli Coleman, a professor and director of the Program in Human Sexuality at the University of Minnesota Medical School, who agrees that while scheduling and prioritizing sex can keep the excitement alive, feeling pressured to perform despite one's mood is a massive buzz kill.

I am with him. There is simply nothing erotic about punching "sex" into your day planner. Call me crazy, but it's true.


The fact is, if you have to pencil sex into your calendar, then the spontaneity and spur of the moment-ness that makes sex so delicious disappears. For me, that is a deal-breaker.

I am the kind of woman who can't even eat dinner unless I was expressly in the mood for that dish, so there is no way I could have sex unless I was seriously feeling it, too. Penciling it in to my day book just would never work. Sure, we could get there. We could kiss and touch and maybe get in the "mood," but it just kills what I love about sex, so for me, it would never work.

That said, any couple has to make sex a priority. We may not pencil it in, but we do start to get worried if we aren't getting busy at least two or three times a week on our own. If it falls too low, one or both of us usually brings it up and we have to get back on it.

But in our hectic lives, scheduling sex wouldn't always be practical, either. We never really know when we will be free. I work a lot of nights, he works days, and we both take care of the kids in our down time, and they are anything but predictable.

If we tried to schedule sex, one of us would be constantly disappointed or, worse, falling asleep by the time it happened. By not scheduling it, we keep some spontaneity and surprise and we also get plenty in when we do get it.

I will never be a sex scheduler. No matter how crazy things get.

Do you schedule sex?


Image via RJ Bailey/Flickr

Read More >