My Long Distance Relationship Needs a More Local Home


Long distance love makes smooches sweeter
More folks online dating and finding love on Facebook means there are more folks chasing amor across state lines. I’m an old pro at long distance relationships, not that that’s anything to brag about. But my boyfriend and I are at an impasse, and the process of coming to a solution has not been pretty.

For the past two years, we’ve been burning up the 112 miles between his place in Delaware and mine in D.C. Greyhound and Enterprise should send us a token of gratitude — so should Skype and Gmail and Verizon and AT&T, as a matter of fact — because this high-mileage love affair has contributed more to their bottom lines than I even care to calculate.

But now, as the distant lover thing gets dusty and we start to get serious about planning a future together, we’re hitting one major roadblock: where to live. Who’s going to pack up and move and join the other’s life in progress? 

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If it was just us, it would be one thing. But we’re both single parents raising daughters — his is 14, mine is 13 — and uprooting either one of the girls is going to suck. He doesn’t want to rip his child from her school and friends in her freshman year of high school. I don’t want to separate mine from her friends and activities in her last year of middle school.

He’s standing his ground for the Philly/Delaware area because that’s where they’re from and that’s where they’ve built their life. And I’m pushing for them to come to D.C. because, well, I believe everybody can find a little something here to make them happy. I’d never want anyone to be miserable in this black Brady Bunch outfit. But man oh man oh man oh man, I don’t want to trade in my District of Columbia digs for a Philadelphia pad.

So we go back and forth and forth and back, batting points and counterpoints about whose city is better, which has more bang for our housing buck, where the girls will be the safest and happiest. It’s a frustrating place to be stuck in, particularly as time ticks away with, to be quite honest, both of us flexing our ability to be completely and totally stubborn. And kinda spoiled since we’re both only children and every so often, we just want our own way. This, alas, would be one of those times.

It’s taken a whole lot of prayer, patience, and a little crow-eatin’ to compromise in other areas: whether to have a wedding (me) or not (him), whether to hyphenate my last name (me) or not (him), whether to be more gung ho about having more kids (me) or not care one way or the other (him). We’ve managed to hash out agreements that we both can live with in all of those areas. But there is so much on the line with this one that it’s not nearly as cut and dry as do it or don’t do it.

My big selling point for D.C. is that we’ll both have jobs. The company he works for is, conveniently enough, headquartered down here, and with him transferred and both of us gainfully employed, we’ve stand a greater chance of being the young up and comers we aspire to be. Like the Huxtables for the 2010s.

Relocating isn’t going to be easy for anyone but how do we determine who has more to lose by packing up our kids and our apartments and our sentimental attachments and making the two-hour trek to a permanent new place? Without him on board, I’ll continue to be the brown Carrie Bradshaw, single in the city and waiting for love to show up on my doorstep, hopefully with his luggage, his Kinect, and his teen daughter in tow.

Have you ever been in a relocation quandary with your significant other and if so, how did you manage to solve it? 

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