Your Man’s Ex Is Playing Damsel in Distress and He’s the Eager Hero

ex, friendOn our second date, the guy who would eventually become The Man in my life was very upfront about a couple of things: 1) a lot of his close buddies happened to be women and 2) he was still good friends with his ex-girlfriend. The one he proposed to and planned to marry. They had been together six years by the time they called it quits, so she had been around to help raise his daughter since the little girl was two.

Being a single parent myself, I have the utmost respect for another person who can come in and treat someone else’s child like their own, down to grunt work like pick-ups and drop-offs and paying school tuition, so I had no problem with her whatsoever. Until I noticed that she seemed to have a hard time differentiating between their friendship and their former relationship.


At first, she didn’t do anything that warranted putting my womanly intuition into overdrive. She’d call him just to chat. A lot. That didn’t raise my hackles too terribly much because hey, I’m always burning up the phone lines calling my friends. She’d call to brag about her favorite football team busting his team’s rear end and I didn’t think anything of it. They’d had like nine, 10 years of pigskin bonding in by the time I strolled into his life, so who was I to get squeamish about their Sunday evening trash talk?

But then girlfriend started irking my nerves. She’d call and ask him to move furniture for her. Now, I have a low tolerance for women who feign the dainty, helpless role in the first place. I’ve been in her house and there ain’t a chair, a sofa, or a table that she isn’t capable of scooting around herself. But I especially take issue with it when she’s tapping my man to do it. Especially since he, like a lot of guys, can be none the wiser about the subtle manipulations of womanly wiles. 

So she kept at it. She’d call if she had questions about her new iPhone. She just couldn’t get the hang of using this app or that feature, the poor, technologically challenged thing. She couldn’t figure out how to hook up her surround sound or her new software and of course, she called on The Man to assist — like anything you get from Best Buy doesn’t come with a customer service hotline for just such occasions. And because he’s a techie, he was both excited and flattered to be called on for his expertise.

The absence of an in-your-face come-on made it hard for him to see what I was seeing, though. She had her hooks in him and she never had to do anything more overt than send a text or fly a mayday flag. The final straw came, though, when we all went out to dinner for his daughter’s birthday. Will and Jada and his ex and, up until recently, Bruce and Demi and Ashton may be capable of pulling off a happily blended family but suffice it to say that we couldn’t. I’m not into ultimatums, but I did let him know that her little habit of hanging on crossed on over into disrespect. We haven’t had another problem since.

And the best part is, I never had to say a word to her and make myself look like I was playing the part of the raving, insecure girlfriend. However he delivered the information, she got the message loud and clear. She still calls and they’re still pals, and that’s cool with me. But she knows now that she’ll need to ask another fella to be her maintenance man.

Do you or your man still maintain friendships with your exes?

Image via andertoons/Flickr

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