Your Man Gets Sent to the Slammer—Do You Wait or Do You Bail?

PrisonerI love my little brunch get-togethers with my girlfriends. Someone will come up with a completely random topic to discuss and someone else will take it and run with it, and next thing you know, we’ve got a hot debate or a hilarious discussion a-brewin’. With all of these lovely fall days luring us back out to the patio seating areas of our favorite restaurants, we’re still enjoying those fun times.

Most recently: a good game of who would you date? Would you date a guy with a physical disability? All of us said yes, we didn’t see why not. Would you date a cop or a fireman? I wouldn’t have a problem with it, even considering the level of danger involved, but a few of my homegirls scrunched up their faces at that one. Would you ride it out if your man got sent to jail?

Now that one caused a whole ruckus between hypothetical situations and just flat-out shudders.


I already know I couldn’t hang if my dud(e) got sent to the slammer. I’m two years into a long-distance relationship and that’s tough enough. But factor in lockdowns and corrections officers and collect phone calls and visitation days and tacky monochromatic jumpsuits and I’d be done. Then there’s the whole ethical part of it to think about, too.

None of us are perfect, true. But purposefully and willfully doing the kind of wrong that can have a legal statute tacked on to it that comes with the risk factor of time behind bars? That’s a bit much. I can give folks a pass for making mistakes but that doesn’t mean I’d sign up to get personally tangled up with it. And I definitely couldn’t think about building a life with a man who not only said a big up yours to the basics of right versus wrong, but made the kind of mistakes that got him sent off to the clink.

That is, if he’s a boyfriend. A guy I’m just dating automatically gets the heave-ho — unless, without a doubt, I believe he is innocent or there’s something fishy going on with his case on some Dateline investigation type of stuff.

I’m flabbergasted by women who can strike up a pen pal relationship with serial killers and convicted felons and stand by their men all the way through appeals and parole hearings. It’s one thing to fall in love with a guy who committed mail fraud, the scoundrel. It’s quite another to go gaga over a man who’s molested children or been on a murderous rampage. The Manson groupies just go to show how many lonely — and stone cold crazy — chicks there really are out there, desperate for a dude, even one who’s not allowed to touch or support them like a partner should be able to.
There may be a man shortage out here in Single Gal Land, but we could be whittled down to a mere dozen roaming free on the streets and I still wouldn’t be hard pressed enough to go the penitentiary route. Now if he’s been out for a few years and gotten his life together as a law abiding citizen, then maybe we can talk ...

Weigh in on the girlfriend chit chat: would you hang in there through your man’s prison bid? Would you date a guy who had already served his time?

Image via Bruce_Bishop/Flickr

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