Divorce Really Does Make Marriage Better

The divorce rate for second marriages may be higher than that of first marriages, but don't tell that to people on their second marriages. Many feel their second marriages are actually much, much stronger than their first. And while the statistics don't support this notion, reason really should.

After all, don't we learn from our mistakes?

Divorce is one of life's most traumatic events. Anyone who has been through it likely puts a much higher premium on only going through it once. The fact is, many people marry for the wrong reasons. They marry out of fear of being alone or because everyone else is doing it. And when you marry young (under 26), you also do it not knowing how the person will change.

Advertisement

Every day we are married, we learn more about marriage. After nearly nine years of marriage, I can officially say I have a pretty good understanding of what it takes to make a marriage last. And it's not undying love and passion (though those are important, too).

What really matters in marriage is a strong foundation, AKA the "boring things." Is he responsible with money? Loving? Do you feel a close friendship? Does he make you laugh? Can he keep a job? Is he volatile or does he have any addictions? These are the kinds of things women should ask themselves when getting married.

From the outside, it's often easy to predict which marriages will last and which will fail. But that doesn't mean those predictions come true. Some of it is luck -- my husband and I married at 25 and have grown and changed enormously since then -- but some of it is also foresight. I was engaged before my husband and my inner voice knew it was wrong.

With my husband, my inner voice was silent and happy. That is how I knew it was right. Many women who get divorced say they heard and then disregarded their inner voices before their first marriage. One would hope they aren't likely to make the same mistake again.

But statistics show that second marriages DO end more than first marriages. My guess? These are people who don't learn from their mistakes. Those who do probably do end up in better and stronger marriages because the first ones ended.

Do you think the first divorce makes second marriages stronger?

 

Image via roland/Flickr

Read More >

divorce