'Hate' Is the Key to a Better Marriage

Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew BroderickIf you (like most people) think the key to marriage longevity is deep love, think again. Sarah Jessica Parker, the actress who is currently starring in I Don't Know How She Does It, has been with her husband Matthew Broderick for 14 years and her secret? Hate. For 20 minutes a day, most days, she simply hates her hubby. And I am going to start doing the same.

To be fair, the feeling isn't full-on hatred. It isn't the way one might feel about Pol Pot or Dick Cheney. It's a more subtle "hatred," one more akin to rage and anger than simple like hate. And let's face it, at some point in the day, most of us married ladies do have reasons to rage.

Now, my bet is the comments will be from women who always loooooove their spouses and can't imagine being bitter harpies who must rage. To them I say: Stop reading now. Because the rest of us are living in the real world.


Any family is a balancing act. And while my husband and I are madly in love, have date nights every other week (sometimes more), have a great connection, and make each other laugh a lot, there are many times I want to throttle him.

Like when he doesn't do the dishes on the nights where I work and I have to get up at 6 a.m. to do them so we can make breakfast. Or when he doesn't fold the clothing I washed for him and then they end up on the floor (and then back in the hamper).

These are the everyday silly things that have nothing to do with the larger picture of our relationship. My husband is a good father, an awesome breadwinner, a strong role model for the kids, and a very attentive and astute husband. But he is an annoying housekeeper and occasionally pretty scattered and disorganized. But so am I.

Both of us need the time to rage against the things we "hate" in order to love the things we love. I adore the idea of putting a time limit on it. This way it doesn't fester and cause a rift. Get it over with and move on! Amen!

I am totally trying this in my house.

Do you want to try this?


Image via david_shankbone/Flickr

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