No Sex? This May Be Why

No sexThere are as many reasons to quit giving up the goods as there are people to stop giving them up. And hey, you can’t really blame them — hurricanes, earthquakes, tropical storms. Mother Nature is doing some serious blockin’.

Still, there are instances where a cessation of sex makes just a bit more sense than others. Like say, if Mario Lopez started having trouble getting it from his woman, I would be a bit confused. Because I know if I were her, it would take every fiber of my self-control not to jump his bones whenever he asked me to pass the ketchup or walked by my general direction. That’s just an example and that’s just me, though.

Dimple-and-muscle flexing hotties aside, there are other situations that make getting it on seem a bit inappropriate. Or challenging, to say the least. Here are but a few highlights from recent news stories that would make one say aha. No boots a-knockin’ in any of these parties, I’m sure. 

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Your equipment is on the fritz. I, for one, am always shaking my head in disgust over America’s obsession with lawsuits. There have been some really frivolous ones levied in recent memory. But this guy has a pretty good case: he went in for a routine circumcision — better late than never, but I digress — and ended up having the tip of his penis removed. Ooops. Aside from feeling like he’d been (eh-hem) shafted, the victim contends he never gave docs permission to slice anything but skin from his now-abbreviated member. The phallic blunder has left him questioning his manhood but the silent victims here are his wife, who lost that loving feeling, and of course, the fallen man part itself. May it rest in peace.

You can’t just join the mile-high club like everyone else. You know what you almost never get during in-flight travel these days? A strip tease. But after an incident last week, we now know why. Seems no one was turned on by this Russian gal’s recent Moulin Rouge routine and flight crew quickly did a U-turn to off her from the plane, which was headed from Moscow to London. Apparently too much alcohol made her feel like stripping but it’s not saying much about your hot bod or sultry moves when folks — especially guys — would rather be delayed to their destination than allow you to take it off, take it all off. Clothes on, seatbelts buckled, ma’am.

Your good deeds interfere with your goodies. Anyone with children knows how, if it’s even possible to hide out from them for a few moments of peace and quiet, it’s that much more difficult to steal away for a steamy quickie. Somebody is always jumping off something, sneaking into somewhere, or falling out of someplace. But kids have nothing on cats, who are perhaps the most underfoot creatures in the whole big, wide animal kingdom — and stealthy ones at that. So imagine having literally hundreds of those bad boys purring and rubbing and clogging up your pathway as a couple. It’s pretty safe to say romance has been on the backburner for this Florida husband and wife, who were hoarding nearly 700 cats at their animal shelter but no doubt took their work home with them, too. Their hearts were in the right place but alas, their other body parts suffered for it.

You’re corny (sorry, I had to). I remember back in grade school when boys would give girls tabs from aluminum soda cans and that was supposed to be some secret code that they wanted to have sex. I know we’ve gotten a bit more sophisticated now that we’re grown-ups but riddle me this: what exactly does it mean when a gentleman makes a gift of an acorn filled with unwrapped condoms? Yeah, me either. Equally perplexed were the two women on the receiving end of the odd novelties, who filed complaints against the prankster — a judge from Intercourse, PA. Perhaps he took the name of his hometown too literally, but his trinkets nonetheless yielded no booty for him. I can’t really blame the ladies for shutting his advances down. Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you just don’t.

Who else in the news is probably not getting it in for one reason or another?

Image via djwingsia/Flickr

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