Shoplifting Newlyweds Prove Love Really Don't Cost a Thing

NewlywedsPlanning a wedding is expensive, yes. The deeper you get into the guest list and seating arrangements and floral orders and dress fittings, you realize that the real language of love is m-o-n-e-y. At least that’s what I hear because y’all know I’m about as close to getting married as golf is to becoming a full contact sport.

Despite the heavy duty duckets involved in shaping your dream day into a shiny, happy, bouquet-throwing reality, hear me when I say this people: there is no excuse for rolling into a grocery store and stealing all of the food you plan to serve at your wedding reception. It’s tacky. It’s pathetic. It’s something a real-life couple from Pennsylvania tried to get away with when they wheeled $1,000 in unpaid merchandise to their car and got caught. 


Even reading this out loud, I have to giggle because it sounds so silly. I can just picture them in my head, cart stacked to the brim with meats and treats and getting halted by plain-clothes security guards in the parking lot. That’s a priceless scene.

I’m not even mad at their plan to thieve the menu items for their little shindig. I’m mad they desecrated the sacred soil of Wegmans with that mess. For shame. Seriously. For shame. I love the heck outta Wegmans. There’s just something about stores that start with ‘W’ that make me swoon — OK, in all fairness, it’s just Wegmans and Wal-mart. But don’t mess with either one of ‘em.

The really bad thing about it is, even after trying to ensure their guests were properly fed and watered, the dynamic duo weren’t able to make it to the reception after all. Nothing squashes a party like a husband-and-wife misdemeanor charge. That is the lesson we can glean from this story, I suppose, in case we weren’t sure about it in the first place.

The other thing I know: the pressures of throwing a wedding are making folks crazier and crazier. I’m not sure whether it’s the boom in TV shows that have made people feel like they have to live up to some sort of “Whose Wedding Is It Anyway?” standard or if it’s just that they really want to celebrate their love in the highest, most lavish manner their money will allow. But that’s only if you have money.  

I used to knock people for taking out loans and maxing out credit cards — which in essence means they’ll be shelling out years’ worth of interest and payments to cover the festivities for one lil’ ol’ day, albeit a big one. It just seems counterproductive to me to start a life together saddled with debt from your wedding. But I’ll take that over getting hauled off to the pokey any time. Once you cook up the plan to cross the line into larceny in order to live out the dream day, you’ve gone too far.

Well, at least their mug shots have made their wedding album a little different than all the others I’ve been seeing. I was getting tired of the standard portraits on the church steps and shots of the garter belt scene, anyway.

Do you think couples are under the hammer to have really lavish or memorable weddings?

Image saritarobinson/Flickr

Read More >