The Important Role Your Guy's Buddies Play in Your Love Life

paul rudd jason segel i love you man bromanceThe same guys my boyfriend used to ride bikes, skateboard, and get into 8-year-old "trouble" with are still his 30-year-old best friends today, which I find really cute. When they're together, they're all still as hilarious as I'm sure they were back then. But lately, it's been more difficult for them to hang out -- even when they're working less than a mile apart from one another! Obviously, that has a lot to do with adult responsibilities, like work and family, but I always feel a bit sad when he tells me they failed again to make plans. Because I genuinely want my guy to have guy time. It's good for him.

Turns out, it really is. But it's also good for us as a couple. A new study from Cornell and the University of Chicago just found that keeping "bromances" alive can be a boon to a couple's sex life. It's actually a no-brainer, if you think about it.


See, according to the researchers -- and oh, common sense! -- men rely on their close male bonds to fuel their sense of autonomy, privacy, and independence, which, in turn, contribute to their feelings of masculinity. (You just have to watch the Paul Rudd-Jason Segel laugh riot I Love You, Man for a crash course on this.) Any woman who has ever been in a relationship with a guy knows that a healthy male ego is inextricably tied to a healthy sex life. So, danger, danger -- if a woman in some way inhibits her partner's close male bonds, she could threaten his manhood and sense of male identity. As a result, it's bye-bye hot 'n' heavy bedroom romps, hello sexual dysfunction! Eeeek!

Specifically, the researchers looked at situations where women were closer with the guy's buddies than he was himself. But I think the phenomenon still applies if a woman attempts to orchestrate every last detail of their partner's social life. Even if we're more apt to say, "Oh, let's have a double date with Jerry and Beth," and rarely, if ever, say, "How about you go to the game with Jerry this weekend, hon?" Even if we pout when he says he's going to get a beer with Max after work or unintentionally monopolize his free time. In short, if we co-opt their male friendships, we're screwed -- or ahem, not.

Personally, it's such a pet peeve for me when I hear that a guy has to "get permission" or "check with the little lady" before making plans with his "bros." Yeah, I get that they're just making sure there's nothing else on the agenda, which their girlfriend or wife is usually overseeing. Of course I appreciate when my boyfriend checks with me or gives me a heads up. But it should be a GIVEN that man dates -- and girls' nights, too! -- are built into both partners' calendars. They're totally just as important as HBO nights-in together -- for so many reasons. But if you gotta go with selfish reasons, now you can rest assured that his men's night out will make him more prone to come home all testosterone-ified and ready to jump you!

Do you encourage your man's bromances?


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