I've Never Gotten Over Any of My Relationships

man thinkingI don’t think I’ve gotten over any of my failed relationships. It’s not that I’m hung up on any of those exes. To the contrary, I’ve quite fully moved on from all of them with godspeed. But I don’t know that I ever really sat down and reflected about the ends of any relationships, why they ended, or my role in their demise. You know, the stuff that women seem to do ad nauseum.

Almost all of my exes have taken time to process the breakup, often attempting to include me in the discussion if they felt comfortable enough, after some time of course. That is very healthy. We men on the other hand -- oh we men -- seem to be completely devoid of the ability to fully process any hurt that may have come at the hands of a loved one.


Which is not very healthy. Ridiculous as this may sound, it’s not all of our fault -- the processing, or lack thereof -- seeing as so many of us were told to stuff our emotions at a young age.

We did so and then went through life foraging for love and affection, and then when that situation ran its course, we went foraging for more affection with love fading further and further into the distance. Next thing you know, we meet a woman, bring all of our baggage into the relationship, double down on its success, crap out, then take to the streets to clear our heads with some new young lady who has no idea what she’s getting herself into.

You know that actually sounds worse than I thought.

The fact that I’m aware that this is an occurrence should make me enlightened enough to do the processing that is necessary to move on and grow as an individual so that I don’t inadvertently ruin a good thing with my own hang-ups and projections. And to some degree I am. I’ve definitely come to grips with many of my faults and how they affect other people. I’m a man so my communication tends to blow chunks when it comes to how I’m feeling about something, but I’m learning ... I think.

Or I hope. The funny part about it all is that the various relationship failures have made me a little anxious about committing to somebody else. All of that enlightenment has the effect of making me leery of even showing off that growth. Oh how the tables have turned. This must be what people who’ve been through tumultuous divorces feel like. Forget getting married again, they just want to live their life with somebody they love.

Except I’m afraid to do that.

I guess it’s good that I’ll always have my one true love to come home to at night ... my music.



Are you over your failed relationships? How to you get over them?



Image via Larry Shaefer/Flickr


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