If You Believe You're in a Happy Marriage, Then You're Delusional

No one wants to think of themselves as delusional or full of denial, but when it comes to love, the fact is, many of us are. And that is not such a bad thing. A recent study shows that those who view their partners through rose-colored, optimistic, and perhaps sometimes a bit delusional glasses actually do have happier marriages.

It's sort of like, if you believe it, you'll be happy. And why not? There's a reason they say "love is blind." My husband and I would probably rate one another as more attractive and smarter than others might, but I see my partner's flaws. And lord knows, he sees mine.

Still, we are very happy. See, I must be delusional!

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Maybe love does change your vision and make you see things more positively. Or maybe it helps you see things more clearly.

The fact is, this study seems a little silly. When you marry someone, you tie yourself to them permanently. Their success is your success. If you see them as some giant loser, then it's also likely you will see yourself that way. And who wants to think of themselves as a loser?

You can't possibly fall in love with a person without believing the best of them. There is someone for everyone precisely because there is someone who will see you and love you in spite of (and because of) your flaws. That isn't delusion. That is love.

My husband can be very hard on me (and I on him), but I also know that even when I'm wrong and acting crazy, he is always on my side. In all my fights with people, he always says the thing to make me laugh. He always has my back and he is always meaner about my enemies than I am. But then, that is love isn't it?

To me, they're just defining love. Yes, we try very hard to be honest and look at each other as we really are. And we see one another's flaws. But in the end, you recognize a kindred spirit and you fall for that. Because you have fallen, your sense of who they are is probably skewed. But so what?

Anything different wouldn't be love, right?

Do you see your spouse positively?

 

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