When You Need to Resort to Drugs to Deal With Your Love Life (VIDEO)

courtney stoddenI watched the interview yesterday, but it's taken me a full 24 hours to digest, vomit, and recuperate before I was able to write about it. Courtney Stodden, 16, and Doug Hutchison, 51, sat down with E! Online to tell their tale of love one more time, and this interview, this interview, they're just, how to say, I mean, ugh. I can't. I'm getting nauseous again, and I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with the Mountain Dew Code Red and leftover Indian food I had for lunch. Courtney is 100 percent creeping me out.

Watch the interview below, vom, then let's talk about what drugs she must be on. I have theories!

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"Mmm hmmm!" That sound that Courtney makes when she agrees with Doug sends chills down my spine. OK. What do you think. Quaaludes? A Paula Abdul cocktail of vodka and pain killers? Ecstasy? She's on something. Don't tell me she's drunk with love. That's not love ... that's exploitation and attention-seeking and narcotics.

I mean, I would have to be on something pretty darn strong too if I were to have sex with Mr. Hutchison. And Courtney, at 16, being tied down to a Z-lister who is now only famous for marrying a sophomore in high school? I can only imagine what she's sprinkling on her Cheerios every morning, but I would assume it's white and powdery and very illegal.

You saw the faces she made during the interview, right? Did she think she was auditioning for porn? And God bless the E! cameraman who went for it and zoomed in on her really sexing it up when the interviewer was asking a question. It looked like she was trying to give the air a blow job.

When I first saw the clip, in my heart of hearts, I was hoping this was a preview for the latest Christopher Guest movie. That somehow this isn't real, that they've been fooling us, that it's all an act. You remember that scene in Best in Show? "We could talk, or not talk, for hours." This isn't too far off. Especially when Doug and Courtney start talking about how they fell in love over texting. It's comedy gold if you can separate yourself from reality.

I really want Kristen Wiig to play Courtney and Zach Galifianakis to play Doug. I want them to memorize the interview verbatim and then perform it on SNL. It's the only thing that would help me recover from the trauma this interview has caused me.

What's your take? Are they in love?


Image via E! Online

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