Do Guys Really Want a Freak in the Sheets?

bedroomLet me start off by saying that I obviously don't speak for all men. But for the ones I do speak for, let me megaphone this declaration and dispute with a common myth: men don't necessarily want a lady in the streets and freak in the bed.

Granted, we don't want a boring bed buddy. In fact, given the fact that sex and finances are the leading causes of discontentment in relationships, obviously some sort of bedroom excitement is necessary.


However, how much excitement is completely up for debate. While there are definitely men out there who want to have monkey chandelier sex, I'd bet that more men would be off-put by their woman trying to spice up the sheet life with some tingly toys or something. Hell, most of those toys scare the bejesus out of me. That's largely because I really don't understand what the vast majority of them do and I'm afraid of things I don't understand.

I'm like Mississippi in 1964.

I think most men are more concerned with volume (quantity) and access than just how insane the sex can get. Besides, in this economy, after work, you just want mindless good sex. All that extra freak stuff costs too much. Of course, "freak" is quite the nebulous term anyway. it's wholly possible that some people -- men and women -- define "freak" as somebody who just has a lot of sex. I don't. I tend to view freaks as those who are willing to tangle with that fine line between sex and Cirque du Soleil comes to a back alley brothel in Baltimore.

Clearly, there is a segment of men out there who would love to date a woman who would do anything. And by anything, I mean anything. Feel free to let your imagination run wild with that one. But my contention is that most of us just want to have sex when we want to have sex. Which I honestly think is how most people view a healthy sexual relationship anyway. If, as a unit (no pun intended), the couple wants to introduce some extras into the bedroom, then great.

Some things are just expected: multiple positions, oral, perhaps some porn on occasion for research purposes. I know me though, and I don't even enjoy lingerie, so I can't honestly see how coming into the bedroom in a pleather catsuit with more zippers than the Zippo factory could turn me on. Frankly, I'd be more concerned with how quickly it could be removed.

I could be wrong here. I'll concede that maybe I'm just conservatively prudish. I stop at swinging from trees and outdoor coitus. Well and other things that I'll only share with my priest.

Anyway, this is my theory and I'm sticking with it. What say you?

Image via Warren Noronha/Flickr

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