How to Have an Orgasm Like a Man

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Our orgasms are different -- men and women's -- but there are similarities when it comes to our pleasure and men aren't the only ones to ejaculate. Nope. They're not. The first time I tried to female ejaculate I was alone with a mirror and a long, curved hard plastic sex toy. I spent a time with myself and my toy, until finally I felt this feeling of fullness. That's when I pulled the toy out and watched in the mirror. To my surprise, and delight, in the next few moments a clear, wet spurt of fluid landed at least two inches from where I was actually laying. 

If you haven't already noticed, I'm a TMI girl. Yes, I'm an ejaculator. I don't have to ejaculate to have an orgasm though. And I never ejaculate as much as those porn stars do on camera, but more on that to come. 


First, let's get down to what is, and what isn't, female ejaculate. True female ejaculate is not urine, it's actually fluid from the skene's glands, or female prostate. To GPS the skene's glands, look on either side of the urethra. Or don't look. The glands are really small, just like the urethral opening.

Female ejaculate contains certain things you don't find in urine, like glucose, fructose, prostatic acid phosphatase, and PSA. These are also things found in male prostatic fluid. Genuine female ejaculate, whether it squirts, spurts or dribbles, is no more than teaspoon in volume. That wet spot on the bed? That could be female ejaculate. The buckets of liquid certain porn performers seem to produce? That's not usually genuine female ejaculate, even if it ejaculates out of her body.

I learned the trick to producing copious amounts of ejaculate when working on my own educational DVD series. I was casting for a segment on the subject, so I googled female ejaculation. That's when Cytherea’s name popped up. She’s a porn star known for squirting (another popular term used to reference ejaculation). I was impressed with her ejaculatory resume, so I hired her to ejaculate for my movie too.

Cytherea ejaculated ... a lot. And she drank a lot of water, in fact, she was never without a water bottle on set. It seems the key to shooting out buckets of clear fluid is staying hydrated. The more hydrated she was, the more she would ejaculate.

In order to learn to ejaculate, get comfortable and get aroused, and then start exploring inside your vagina. To make it happen, you'll need to massage the urethral sponge, aka G-spot. That means you (or someone/something you trust) will need to go inside your vagina. Not super far in, since the G-spot is usually towards the entrance of the vagina. With arousal, the G-spot feels like a Ruffles potato chip (think ridges) or the roof of your mouth.

Since we're massaging the urethral sponge, but because we never want anything to go into our urethral openings, ouch, we rub the top wall of the vagina, and not the bottom wall of the urethra. We need to use some pressure.The harder and longer you rub, the more likely the urge to expel fluid will become. Like a sponge under water, the urethral sponge fills with fluid and feels noticeably denser before ejaculation. 

For those who can't figure out if they like G-spot stimulation, or what the big deal is, remember, the G-spot is only one club on the strip. There are lots of other places to party for pleasure. I generally ejaculate if stimulated farther back, along the top wall of the vagina. That's where you'll come in contact with other fabulous spots on the sponge. One in particular, and one used during female ejaculation, is called the A-spot. The A-spot has the same feelings as the G-spot, but it's closer to the cervix than it is to the entrance of the vagina. 

If you continue to rub deep enough, hard enough or long enough, that’s when you can produce female ejaculate. And if you begin to rub deep and hard and it feels like it's time to pee, then you're moving in the right direction. (Pee before you start to avoid feeling embarrassed by this sensation.) While all of this is going on inside of you, use your pelvic floor muscles to tighten around the finger, toy or penis for added build-up and even more fireworks during expulsion.  

Here's the clencher. When I want to ejaculate, I have to push out. When we think about orgasm, women tend to pull in. We usually think about tightening our genitals and squeezing up, but in order to ejaculate, I have to bear down and push out whatever is inside of me.

You don't have to ejaculate to have amazing orgasms. Learning to ejaculate is a commitment, and if you choose to commit, then once you learn, you'll understand your body even better than you ever imagined. And yes, I do believe all women can learn to ejaculate, but I don't think all women need to or want to. It's not always a satisfying orgasm, and sometimes it's a big mess. Still, I like that I do it. 

Does learning to ejaculate interest you? Have you done it before?


Image via Lrargerich/flickr

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