Hugh Hefner Has Shocking Sex Revelation

hugh hefnerWhat's that, dear?

Many 85-year-olds lose their hearing because they're freaking old and it's just what happens. Hugh Hefner claims that he may be deaf in one ear, but it's not because he's an old fart. It's because he takes a lot of Viagra, which has a side effect, apparently, of hearing loss. Ain't no thing to him though, Hef says he'd rather be deaf than give up his little blue pills. Sounds like Hef has his priorities in order. I SAID IT SOUNDS LIKE HEF HAS HIS PRIORITIES IN ORDER. (Sorry, just want to make sure he heard me.)

I can't decide if I would go deaf in order to stay sexually active, too. Maybe? Dunno. Here are some bodily functions and/or parts I would give up in order to stay sexually active, starting with this useless kidney.

  1. I mean, we only need one. I'd give up a kidney to be able to keep having sex.
  2. Left pinkie finger. I really only use this little piggy for pressing "Caps Lock" and "Shift."
  3. Colored eyesight. Maybe things look better in black and white!
  4. My sweet taste bud. As long as I still got "salty," I think I'd be OK.
  5. Eh, OK. I'd go deaf in one ear. Not sure how this would affect my karaoke skills, which may or may not be the reason I get laid in the first place, so this is a toss-up. I could really be shooting myself in the foot here.
  6. Speaking of foot, I'd lose a toe or two on each side.
  7. Take out my molars. I like to drink my dinners anyway.
  8. Do we need our large intestine? It just sounds braggy.
  9. Take out part of my liver. It'll grow back.
  10. Maybe I'd give up control over one of my eyelids, so that it closes and opens depending on my head movements. You know, like one of those deranged dolls?

Obviously if push came to shove, I'm not sure what I'd be willing to give up for the sex. If some evil wizard does, however, approach me with such a question, I really hope it's not during a certain time of the month where I'd be less inclined to give up anything for sex, yet everything for a sausage egg and cheese.

If I were Hef's age and knocking on 90s door, I think I'd choose intercourse over hearing, as well. At that age, who cares if you hear anything? Odds are you've heard it before.

What would you give up, or never give up, in order to keep your ability to have sex?

Photo via SplashNews

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