Find a Hitman on Facebook, Solve Your Relationship Problems

FacebookIn the midst of a joke — or maybe in the heat of a moment — it’s not that out of the norm to tell somebody, “I’m gonna kill you!” Then we laugh it off or storm away or eat a sandwich or read a book or do something else. But that something else generally doesn’t include actually trying to kill that person.

Not so for a Philly woman who used her 420-character status update capability on Facebook to offer up $1,000 to any one of her friends willing to snuff out her kid’s dad. Wow. Even hits are going high tech. When love goes sour in the City of Brotherly Love, I guess it also goes viral.

Yep, 20-year-old London Eley was charged with smearing the magical wonderland that is my favorite social media outlet by posting a status that simply and directly offered: “I will pay somebody a stack to kill my baby father.” Wonder if anybody “liked” it. Pretty safe to assume he didn’t.


But even sadder is Eley’s public tommyrot actually had a taker. An 18-year-old one who stepped up to comment on the thread and ask simply what the wannabe deceased looked like. So I guess this nut was going to go out sure fire and shotgun-happy, ready to off any tall, dark-skinned dude in Philly — a city that’s about 60 percent black. So guys fitting that description probably make up what? About a quarter of the population? Yeah, that plan was as well thought-out as a fight at a frat party.

Now I can attest firsthand that it’s tough to deal with an ex as regularly as you have to when you have kids together. You know, when you’re just a couple flying solo, your relationship can go down the tubes and you might be hurt, bitter, maybe even vengeful, but those feelings usually subside after time and you move on (unless you’re the real-life version of the psycho chick from Obsessed, in which case I’m going to have to ask you to stop reading, step away from the blog, and do not pass go to the nearest psychiatrist’s couch).

But when you and your ex have shared in the procreation of a little person, there are multiple layers of emotions to navigate. There are the parental, let’s-do-what’s-best-for-the-kids feelings and then there are the lover scorned, I-could-slap-the-taste-outta-your-mouth-for-even-looking-at-me feelings. It’s hard to pull the out and separate the two, especially if you were together for a while.

Every time your love boo boo scabs over and shows signs of healing, too much activity rips it right back open again to expose the tender flesh underneath (graphic, ain’t I?). You have to see him when he picks the child up. You have to see him when he drops the child off. You have to discuss things that the child needs. You have to be civil enough to make arrangements for school-related activities, dance recitals, basketball games, and family reunions. In essence, you’ve got to suck up your own hurt about the breakup in order to make sure that the kids’ relationship with their father doesn’t suffer.

That constant communication with a man who may have dogged you out or may just rub you the wrong way is enough to drive a sane gal to the comforts of a stiff drink. But to post a death threat on Facebook? Yikes.

All I know is this: we can sit and swap stupid-ex horror stories for hours. I mean, Ms. Tween Girl Thang is 12, so that’s many a year of “oh no he didn’t” shockers and “he’s got to be kidding me” experiences. If you notice, I don’t talk about my ex much in these here blogs that I write. For one, he’s not part of my regular reality, and for two, I stopped wasting my time discussing that dude when we broke up — and that was back when my baby was still carrying her Tinky Winky Teletubby around.

Dealing with The Dreaded Ex is a test of your better judgment. I understand. But you can’t nudge him with the grill of the car as he tries to walk across the driveway, you can’t accidentally run into the back of him with a serrated kitchen knife, and you can’t publicly solicit teenage hitmen to take him down for $1,000. It tends to be frowned upon.

How’s your relationship with your children’s father? How were you able to keep the emotions from the breakup separate from your interactions as a parent?

Image via MoneyBlogNewz/Flickr

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