The Real Reason We Fake Orgasms

Ladies, I am mad at you. I'm mad at us. We have to overcome something in order to ... come. Yes, I'm talking about orgasm and faking it and why we do it. WHY? Well, it seems we have a fear of intimacy. Yes, women. We say men have a fear of intimacy all the time, don't we? But it's our issue, too.

Here is the scoop: Temple University's Erin Cooper recently presented her findings of why women fake orgasm citing this intimacy issue we have. She spoke with 366 women between the ages of 18 and 32 and discovered that 60 percent had at one time or another faked their own la petite mort. Intimacy issues was the main reason and the other biggie was that some weren't sure they could have a big O in the first place. So we're fearing love then fearing we can't climax. Too much fear!


Let's look at the biggest problem here -- a women who fakes an orgasm, multiple times with the same partner, is doing a disservice to both parties involved, but especially themselves! With the exception of a minority of fakers who do it to enhance their own sexual pleasure. 

Let's be honest. There are lots of great reasons to have orgasms, but an orgasm isn't necessary to have great sex. Let me be even more honest, back in the day, sometime after 18, but before 32, I faked an orgasm or two myself. And when I think of my reasons why, some are mentioned above, but there are other reasons too. So why did I, or any of us, fake orgasm? 

I can speak for myself. First, I've faked an orgasm so my partner would stop asking. When my partner continuously quizzed "have you come yet? have you come yet?" there seemed no better way to move on to the next topic than to say yes! yes! yes! After faking it, we could have enjoyable sex without him feeling like he had to check something off of his list of things to do before he died. Instead of answering yes now, I say no, it can take me a long time to orgasm, and if it doesn't happen that's okay, too. 

Secondly, I wasn't sure if I had an orgasm, so it's better to act like I did. At least my first few years of sex. The truth is, once I had my first orgasm (at the age of 21) I knew then what I know now. You know when you have an orgasm. I hope now that my first boyfriend figured out how to tell if a woman came. I don't think I helped him learn much.

Lastly, sometimes time is of the essence, and since it can take women way longer to climax, time isn't always on our side. While this seems like a logical reason to fake one, and a reason I've used before, I'd rather now help him finish than pretend to be done. 

Some guys may prefer we fake it so that he feels less guilt around not doing his "manly deed," but I believe we need to stop making our partner feel it's his job, and make it our task at hand. I don't always have an orgasm during partnered sex, and I rarely have one if he ignores my clitoris, but still, I'd rather my partner know that, and educate him on the fact that most women don't orgasm from vaginal penetration alone, before I leave him to believe I came, he saw and we both conquered. 

Orgasms are great, but I don't need one to have a great time. That's what I prefer to say to my partner these days. It works better for both of us.

And you? Do you fake it? Why or why not? 

Image via Plindberg/Flickr

Read More >