Does Being an Independent Woman Kill Your Sex Life?

business womanDamn Gloria Steinem, The Feminine Mystique, and all those bra-burning women's libbers who fought so we could get paid 77 cents on the male dollar several decades later! Look where all of that has gotten us. Right into therapists' offices, that's where! Signing up for clinical studies for female-versions of Viagra! Plain and simple: Feminism has screwed us out of amazing sex lives. Or at least according to a couple of neuroscientists who have recently written a book called A Billion Wicked Thoughts: What The World's Largest Experiment Reveals About Human Desire.

They used the trusty ol' internet to analyze half a BILLION (so the book title's a lie?) sexual fantasies, preferences and practices, and eventually concluded that women are wired to find sexual submission arousing. Apparently that means we'd do well to turn the clock back to when we were subservient June Cleavers.


Because these days, now that we're more likely to be breadwinners, or be on equal earning footing as our partners, the balance of power is off, and in turn, our sex lives are a wreck.

So, let me get this straight ... They're saying that we like our men to dominate us, but chasing our professional dreams means we think we can't be submissive or naturally aren't able to be submissive anymore? Therefore, we have absolutely no hope of getting off! Might as well just have our interns order us a supercharged vibrator.

Quite honestly, I see this "finding" as complete and utter BS. Feminism, or if you don't like that word for some ridiculous reason, let's say being socially, economically and political equal to men can be independent of what we do in bed.

I will give the researchers this much: Whether or not it's right, there are men who feel emasculated by their girlfriends or wives being the breadwinner, or "Alpha female," and of course that can take a toll in the bedroom. Similarly, if a woman ends up with a guy who isn't exactly Mr. Testosterone and wouldn't know how to say "I want you now!" and dominate her even if he had a script to follow, well, there may be some trouble between the sheets.

But does a woman's ability to succeed in her career, make her own money, call the shots professionally put a damper on her sex life?

HELL no!

In fact, I can say with absolute conviction that it is the independent woman who is more likely to have great sex. To paraphrase a quote by the brilliant comedian Margaret Cho, she will be more active in trying to stand up for herself, she'll be in more control of her life, have more sense of power over what she's doing in every aspect of her life, including sex! She knows if she likes to be submissive sometimes, or dominant another, and she'll say so. She'll speak up if she wants oral sex, more sex or less sex. Plus, she'll probably be more inclined to be proactive if her sex life is floundering.

In the end, it's the overall balance and equality in a relationship that will make sex satisfying and keep the bond afloat.

Do you think feminism has in killed women's sex lives? Does being an "Alpha female" put your relationship in jeopardy?



Image via mirimcfly/Flickr

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