Does Porn Kill or Help Relationships?

Porn, relationships

OK, I’m so not a prude. I’m as sexually liberated as the next gal. (Well maybe, depending on who the next gal is.) But I never got the point of porn. Why would I watch two or more strangers getting it in? That’s time awastin’ when I could be getting it in myself. (Sorry Mommy.)

Once you get past the acrobatics, bootleg music, and corny storylines and look at porn from a relational perspective, which may very well be the only view you don’t get in a skin flick, it’s more than a spicy love tool, a form of entertainment, or a tide-me-over when you’re in between man friends. Sometimes porn creates an unrealistic expectation of what sex should be like and ups the ante for what you need to do in order to be considered a good lay.

What Jenna Jameson will do is not necessarily real life and certainly not what every average woman can execute without winding up on somebody’s emergency room stretcher with a lot of explaining to do. 


I’m not knocking what works for couples who are smack dab in the middle of healthy, happy, mutually satisfying couple-hood with pornography as part of their lovemaking program. More power to them. I mean, with the exception of the really holy guys at church, I don’t know a dude who doesn’t actively watch porn.

In college, some of my guy friends would have it playing randomly on TV just like it was an episode of The Real World or something. You’d just walk into their dorm room and somebody’s crotch would be spread across the width of the screen. Not at all classy but hey, they were college guys. There wasn’t much expectation there.

Even after I graduated, it seemed like I was always bumping into some dude’s porn stash, if he even tried to conceal it at all. I went to get a paper towel out of one fella’s kitchen and glanced down on a stack of X-rated DVDs next to the toaster. “In the kitchen though, Marcus?” I hollered, holding one up and throwing my hand on my hip.

He smiled and pointed to the paper towel rack I had just finished unrolling from. Yuck. And that, dear friends, is why I walk with hand sanitizer at all times.

After that, I learned that porn isn’t a black guy thing or an athletic guy thing or a short guy thing. It’s just a guy thing. And there seemed to be a rampant blurring of the lines between fantasy and reality from all of this pornographic viewing pleasure. There are guys who watch it so much, they can’t distinguish between what an everyday woman would be willing and capable of and what a card-carrying member of the adult film star actors’ guild can pull off.  

I can’t speak on behalf of all women, but I do know my fair share of ‘em and I feel confident in saying that your average chick is not going to be down with a threesome. I know, I know it’s a staple in the XXX scene but it’s not anything most of us are gunning for in real life.

Most chicks are not going to willingly allow dudes to stick objects into our hindparts. Even googling around for this post, I ran across a gal who took a baseball bat up her booty. (Excuse me as I shift in my seat. Erg.) And I might be going out on a limb here, but I don’t think most chicks are down with having sex with the milkman, the paper boy, and their gardener all in the same day and of course, in the porn world, at the same time.

Those are semi-extreme examples (though I know there are far, far worse). But even at the most basic level, porn creates performance expectations. How many times we should cum. How many times we should make him cum. How we should sound. What facial expression to have. How our bodies should look. How to swallow a whole man member and not gag because chick in the video handles it like a pro. Well hell, she is a pro. So unless you went to the porn star school of arts, some dudes just end up disappointed.

To top it all off, guys measure their own selves by what they see in porn and then develop insecurities because they literally can’t measure up to — quick, give me the name of a male porn star with a huge piece of man meat because I have no idea and I’m too afeared to search it online.

So does it hurt or help for one or both people in a relationship to watch porn?

Image PinkMoose/Flickr

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