What You Wear Can Keep You Single

Summer clothesIt’s my favorite time of year, when we can peel off coats and turtlenecks (if you still wear those) and slide into sundresses and shorts. I look better in the summer. My skin glows, my feet are cute, my outfits are more fly.

But I do know my limitations. If I’ve been caving in far too often to my cravings for Chik-Fil-A (help me, Lord), I know I can’t come out the gate just wearing any ol’ thing. I know it’s going to take a little cutting back, exercise, and self-discipline to get those winter pounds off so I can fit into my summer clothes — and look nice in them.

That last part is key, and why more women don’t get it is baffling. I could enlist my daughter to stuff me into my outfits. But for one, it’s uncomfortable, and for two, I know I’m going to have a “what the hell was I thinking?” moment every time I walk past a window. And any guy looking at me will probably think the same thing.


Every day, I see I’m in the minority when it comes to feeling that way. In one trip to the store, I saw a chick whose breasts were spilling out of the top of her too-small tank top, a girl whose booty cheeks were drooping from the bottom of her itty bitty shorts, and a woman my mama’s age in a jean skirt so small, I watched her thighs tussle as she walked. Whenever she took a step, I could see her legs battling for juxtaposition.

I’m not a dude, but I can’t imagine that any of that would be appealing.

None of them were homely women. In fact, I’d venture to say they all had promise in a post-What Not to Wear makeover kind of way. But I noticed none of them had on wedding rings, either. I’m just sayin’.

As much as they swear they don’t gossip, I’ve heard guys whisper about some unsuspecting woman’s need to get out of her itty bitty tank dress before she blinded him. And there have been plenty of times when a much less couth, much more crass jerkoff blurted out an offensive comment to a gal out in public who thought she was doing the darn thing but had to find out the hard way that she really wasn’t. And even though they don’t represent the better part of the male species, they do reflect what I can imagine would be a common thought across the board.

Ladies are having a hard time understanding the difference between sexy and stank. Just because something is shrink-wrapped to your body does not make it appealing. I wouldn’t say it to some of your faces — hey, I’m a writer, not a streetfighter — but it’s not a good look.

If you are a size 16, no amount of squeezing, pulling, tugging, yanking, or praying is going to make getting into a pair of size 10 shorts look good. And yet I see ladies strutting around all the time in clothes that are clearly from the juniors section when they know they needed to be front and center at Ashley Stewart.

It ain’t just big girls, either. Just because you’ve been blessed with a little waist and dodged the curse of the saddlebags does not give you free license to pour yourself into every teeny tiny, barely there piece of fabric and call it an outfit. There may not be weight issues to speak of but oh trust me: there are still issues aplenty. There’s a difference between flaunting it and flashing it, and from what I can gather, men prefer the former, not the latter. That’s what strip clubs are for, not girlfriends and wives.

Someone is bound to raise up the defense and insist that they’re grown, they pay for their own clothing and don’t answer to their own parents anymore, much less the opinions of fellas. And that’s certainly true. But that still doesn’t negate the fact that everything ain’t for everybody. I wish I could wear backless shirts. I’m so envious of girls who can. But these two-inch thick kickstands called love handles insist that I keep that part of my person covered. It’s only fair.

I love the freedom of being a woman. But I don’t support us stuffing ourselves into somebody else’s clothes in an effort to accentuate our femininity. In the end, we just end up playing ourselves out and putting all the wrong things — cellulite, dimples, wrinkles, folds, rolls, creases, bumps, lumps, craters, and excessive amounts of skin — out on display.

Do you think how women dress can affect their dating lives?

Image via daisybush/Flickr

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