69 Creative Ways to Have Sex With Yourself

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May is Masturbation Month
and in honor of it I'm going to let you all in on a little secret that I 100 percent believe to be the ultimate truth. Ready? Masturbation is the key to saving the world's problems. Oh! Yes! It is.

Masturbation relieves stress, gets out our pent-up frustrations, cures headaches and menstrual cramps, makes people happy, and can bring on labor for those who need to get the baby out. If we all had more self-love, we'd be doing more deep breaths in and slow breaths out and positively altering the air we give our plants. Heck, maybe if Osama masturbated more, he wouldn't have ended up as fish food and instead put his influence to good use to end illegal whaling and save the ecosystem like Captain Paul Watson. Lofty? Oh I know. But a girl can dream.

So in the spirit of saving the world's problems (and probably many of your own), one self-given orgasm at time, I will share with you 69 different ways to pleasure yourself. Happy masturbating!

  1. Alone
  2. With a friend of the same sex
  3. With a friend of the opposite sex
  4. In front of a mirror
  5. While sitting over the engine in the back of the bus
  6. During the spin cycle of your washing machine
  7. With your hands
  8. With a vibrator
  9. With the back of a spoon
  10. With only pressure on your clitoris
  11. Anally
  12. Vaginally
  13. A combo of 10, 11, and 12
  14. The minute you wake up in a groggy way
  15. Right before you go to sleep in a lullaby way
  16. When you wake up in the middle of the night in a comforting way
  17. In the shower in a wet and clean way
  18. Using the pulsating water from shower head
  19. Using the rush of the water from the bath faucet
  20. With your mind
  21. Wearing a blindfold
  22. Under the covers
  23. Totally naked
  24. In lingerie
  25. While at work in an 'eff' the system kind of way
  26. Wearing tight jeans and wiggling around in them
  27. In a fitting room in an "oh I look good in this outfit" kind of way
  28. In a public bathroom in a desperate way
  29. In the back of a cab in a sexy way
  30. After you've had some wine
  31. After you've had some whiskey
  32. After you've had some beer
  33. Straddling an armchair
  34. With your right hand
  35. With your left hand
  36. With both hands
  37. With one finger
  38. With your knuckle
  39. With the palm of your hand
  40. With your wrist
  41. Using lube
  42. Using your saliva as lube
  43. Outside
  44. Standing up
  45. Lying down, facing up
  46. Lying down, facing down
  47. Sitting
  48. Doggie style with your arm reaching behind you
  49. With the lights on
  50. With the lights off
  51. While watching porn
  52. While staring at a photo of your dream guy or girl
  53. By nipple stimulation only
  54. Loudly
  55. Quietly
  56. While breathing heavy
  57. Using circular motions
  58. By tapping your clitoris
  59. By putting different but continuous pressure on your clitoris
  60. Against a pillow
  61. While getting a back massage
  62. During a pedicure
  63. Using the stop and go method -- taking yourself to the brink of orgasm, stopping, then starting again
  64. Having a quickie with yourself by keeping the intensity high from the start
  65. While riding a bike
  66. During kegels
  67. While kissing someone
  68. With two fingers making a "V" around your clitoris
  69. By pressing your thighs together in a rhythmic motion

Get creative, people! There are a lot of ways to pleasure yourself, and May has just begun.

How many of these have you done? Can you add any more?


Image © Mayer George/Shutterstock

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