How to Help Your Guy Through His Fear of Oral

MusselsI’ve never met a man who doesn’t like a blow job. It’s a given that a guy wants his partner to get down there and pleasure him with their mouth. And most women that I know are happy to do so, even get off on it.

But what about the other way around? What about the same men orally pleasuring their women? I wasn't sure if most men did cunnilingus, or whatever you want to call it. But my informal poll results revealed that many men do not go down on their women.

And it seems like the reasons men don't aren't because the women don’t want them to. Men who aren't cunnilinguists don’t do it for a variety of reasons. And here are a few of them:


Selfish: These are the men who think that sex is all about them. And that it’s a woman’s duty to fellate. And what goes around doesn’t come around. Unfortunately, this is the biggest category of those who don't. They don't do it simply because they don't think it's important to satisfy their women.

These men just have not been schooled in the art of oral and need you to tell them, teach them, and even show them how, perhaps using a green-lipped mussel as a prop. (See banana for fellatio practice.)

Kolpophobia is the fear of genitals, particularly female ones. There is also another condition called vagina dentata, which translates to toothed vagina. I’d be afraid of that too. The unknown can be scary and these men need to be given a forum to voice their fears. Have them watch the scene in The Kids Are All Right where Julianne Moore's character goes under the covers and down on her partner, played by Annette Bening. See, nothing bad happened. Nobody lost a tongue or got their eye poked out.

I remember my first time receiving. And I was a little afraid. But once I got over that fear, whew, I wanted to feel like that again and again and again. And over 20 years later, it's still an important, and highly pleasurable, part of my sexual relationship with my husband. But we've gotten to where we are by being open about what we like in bed and learning what the other can do differently to make it better.

If you want more oral in your relationship, you have to speak up. Talking about your needs with your partner will make you closer and make your relationship, and your sex life, that much more fulfilling. Good cunnilingus can change your outlook on life and put a little pep in your step. And who doesn't need more of that?

Do you need more oral in your life?


Image via TheDeliciousLife/Flickr

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