Attention 'Nice' Guys: Read This to Win All Women!

Nice guys very rarely get the girl. Sorry, dudes, but it's true. We women love the chase and most of us don't need a study to tell us that. We already know!

My husband and I always joke that if he had been himself -- "The Nice Guy" -- when we first met, I never would have liked him. At the time, he was going through a "bad boy" phase by trying to date more than one woman at a time and he hooked me by not caring. I used to sit and wait by the phone for him to call (not my proudest moment) and, of course, he rarely did, which made it even more precious.

Eventually, he revealed the truth and by that point I was already so deeply in love, it didn't matter that he was a super nice guy. Of course, I'm not alone. Women want the guys who keep them uncertain, who don't come right out say, "I want you." So what is a nice guy to do? Here are some tips:

  • Say you will call Tuesday: If you tell a woman you will call Tuesday, don't. Call Wednesday at the earliest. If she asks, say you forgot.
  • Let her catch you in bed with another: If this happens, tell her she was just a friend you got drunk with the night before and nothing happened. She may storm off, but she will soon come back groveling and perhaps even apologizing to you.
  • Have a girlfriend: The best way to seem uninterested is to have someone who loves you on the side. This way you don't even really care if she likes you or not. You have girlfriend anyway!
  • If she texts, don't text back: Only respond to about half of her texts.
  • Break up with her: Dump her at least once in your "relationship" so you can "explore." Then come back.
  • Take her ring shopping: Bring her out to look at diamond engagement rings and then tell her you're in no way ready for that. Also you have no money to buy one anyway.
  • Get a vasectomy: This is a surefire way to tell a woman you don't want kids. This will have her panting at your door. Imagine if SHE is the woman you reverse your vasectomy for! That would make her So.Darn.Special.
  • Poop at her house: There is nothing that says, "I like you like a friend only" than going number two while you're at her house. You would wait until you got home for any girl you really liked.
  • Read Tucker Max: No one does soulless cretin better than Tucker Max. Channel him and you will be sure to show her you have NO interest in her bod.

If these tips don't successfully make her fall in love, well then go back and do them all over again! Seriously, guys, this is ridiculous. Ladies, too. Why are we all acting so dang pathetic? Here's an idea: Let's be ourselves. That is the best tip of all. How about we like each other for our real selves and not some act designed to woo each other?

For the love of all things holy, let's be real here! For those guys chasing after the perfect woman: You're welcome. Go forth and be happy.

Did you play games with your man?


Image via palebear/Flickr

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