Another relationship survey is out that is making us ladies look kinda ... well, pathetic. Northwestern University researchers found out that, basically, women are more likely than men to be filled with romantic regrets. We're supposedly stalker worrywarts who lament past relationships for eons after they've ended. Okay, not exactly, but here are some of the nerve-wracking findings ...
More than twice as many women (44 percent) as men (20 percent) said they had made mistakes with ex-partners. More than 20 percent of women wished they could go back in time and change their spouse!! (I am just speechless about that. Crazy, right? Wow.) And then, nearly 1 in 5 of both men and women questioned were saddened that a romantic relationship hadn't worked. But ... single women were the most likely to regret "the one that got away."
Ickity ick ickick. I don't know about you, but I'm cringing.
The picture this paints of women is completely irritating. As if single women are mostly lonesome, guy-obsessed, insecure, melancholy Bridget Joneses. And women with or without partners are sitting around biting their nails, tweaking out about some guy like they're back in seventh grade ... or they're -- heh -- Taylor Swift. Uh, hell no.
Sure, everyone has something (probably relationship or sex-related) that they wish they had done differently in the past. (Makes me think of Being Erica, a show about a 30-something woman who gets the chance to re-live and fix all of her life's biggest regrets. If you've never seen it, it's a must-watch. The original CANADIAN version, not the doofy American ripoff remake that is in the pipeline.)
But who sits around worrying, fretting, pulling her hair out, stressing about that ex, like the survey seems to illustrate women doing? Does anyone even have TIME for that? This is the Great Recession. Our jobs own our time, then our family, our friends, and then if we're lucky, single ladies go out on dates, and taken ladies get dinner, couch time, and maybe sex with their guy before konking out on weeknights.
I'm not sure where the Northwestern researchers found the women in their study (were they all 13-year-old girls?) -- but since it seems they're really out there, crying over spilled milk, I say they could really use a kick in the pants. Plain and simple -- "coulda shoulda woulda" is for losers. Not just in love, in all areas of life (stop obsessing over that old job, that old boss, that old house, that old hometown, etc.), but regret is especially counterproductive in love.
How can you ever move on and fully enjoy your life if you're living in the past? It's just not productive to hem and haw. What's done is done, and from personal experience, the best way to think about a relationship gone sour is, "Hey, it must have failed for a reason." No, really, you're better off. Because if he just wasn't into you ... or you just weren't into him ... or the timing wasn't right ... then it wasn't meant to be. NEXT!
I don't say this to be harsh or blunt or brutal. I say it because I used to be that girl -- as the song goes, "wishing and hoping and thinking and praying" I could have a re-do on relationships. And it was never EVER productive. If anything, I'd like a do-over on all that time spent regretting! But I'm not going to spend a second wishing for that. I'll just keep moving forward.
Do you find yourself dwelling on past relationships, regretting "the one who got away" or wishing you had married someone else?!
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