50 Marriage Deal-Breakers

Tuxedo TshirtKelsey Grammer is rumored to have told his new bride, Kayte Walsh, that he wants to move from New York to California to be closer to his children from a prior marriage. And Walsh doesn't want to. Hmm, shouldn't they have discussed that earlier in their relationship? Would she have married him anyway or would that have been a deal-breaker?

When my first husband and I were dating, we agreed to raise any offspring in the Catholic faith, even though I’m Jewish. For me to have said otherwise would have been a deal-breaker for him. In turn, if he hadn't agreed to move down to South Florida, where I was born and raised, at some point in our future, I would have said to heck with the relationship.

Everyone has their relationship non-negotiables, ranging from sexual preferences to geographic desirability. Not all of these are mine but here are 50 potential marital deal-breakers:


1. Thinks black tie means wearing a fancy t-shirt because it's formal yet says, "I want to party."

2. Practices poor hygiene.

3. Doesn't enjoy performing cunnilingus.

4. Wants to live 60 miles away from the nearest town.

5. Likes being completely hairless.

6. Has no ambition.

7. Doesn't like to read.

8. Wants to live someplace cold.

9. Is a bigot.

10. Has no sense of humor.

11. Is not passionate. About anything.

12. Has a wandering eye. And likes to talk about what he sees.

13. Talks meanly to you.

14. Has impregnated an ex-girlfriend and just found out, after you’ve been dating a while.

15. Wants you to share him with another woman.

16. Thinks wearing a toupee hides the fact that his hair is thinning.

17. Insistent on you taking his last name. And it’s not a good one.

18. Doesn’t like making out.

19. Suffers from a Napoleon complex.

20. His idea of a healthy sex life is doing it, missionary style, once a month.

21. Literally wants a white picket fence and to be greeted every night with his slippers.

22. Is opposed to using sex toys.

23. Thinks children are best as nieces and nephews.

24. His mother can do no wrong, according to him.

25. He drinks in excess, and sees nothing wrong with it.

26. Believes domestic squabbles are best handled by a back handed blow.

27. Swallowing is de rigueur.

28. Doesn't believe in fidelity.

29. His political leanings are on the opposite end of the spectrum than yours.

30. He is a smoker.

31. Yells at you, the dog, and anyone else in the vicinity when he is angry.

32. Wants to blend your last names.

33. Anal is the rule, not the exception.

34. He is a homebody 364 days of the year. His big day out is to watch the annual local wet t-shirt contest.

35. He likes your nipples to be hairy.

36. Red wine and sushi are not in his epicurean vocabulary.

37. He spends more time and money on his appearance than you do.

38. His friends call him Hal, short for halitosis.

39. You shop for and cook dinner. He still doesn't help clean up. Not a team player.

40. He isn’t open to watching a little porn.

41. He won’t sign your pre-nup.

42. He likes big tits; yours are small and you don’t like plastic surgery.

43. Your opinion doesn’t count, even if you’re talking about menstruation.

44. Having a large line of credit, and matching credit card debt, makes him proud.

45. He has a little penis and is not willing to make up for it.

46. Thinks his beer belly shows the world how successful he is.

47. Is a sloppy, messy pig.

48. Thinks ethnically or racially based jokes are okay.

49. Never, ever, ever admits he is wrong.

50. Doesn't respect other people's differences.

Any other marital deal-breakers that you would add to the list?


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