Charlie Sheen is a prostitute-renting, pill-popping, no talent alcoholic, and somehow I can't stay mad at him. I think it's because he doesn't try to hide any of it. I know more about this man's sex life then I do my own, and guess what, he's got a new girlfriend -- 24-year-old Natalie Kenly.
I know, it's hard to keep up. To recap, Charlie is living with porn star Bree Olson, with ex-wife Brooke Mueller and their twins in his Hollywood mansion. Now Charlie, not satisfied at home apparently, is going steady with Natalie.
Craziest part of all? They're going on a tropical vacation together, you know, for a little get to know one another time. Meanwhile, Charlie is supposed to be in rehab after his cocaine-fueled bender that landed him in the hospital several times last year.
What is Natalie thinking?
She's got to be thinking fame, fortune, and the drugs. I mean, what else? If she is smart (and there's no way she is, this is all hypothetical because not for one second do I think Natalie has a brain in her skull), she will work this to her advantage. She should coke Charles up real good and hand him a bottle of whiskey and a plane ticket to Vegas. They should party like TV sitcom stars with billions of dollars, then get married.
And everyone knows that once you're married without a pre-nup, you get some moola. Then boom, Natalie is rich. Rich enough to start a new life under a new name in a new city, far far away from the Hollywood hills.
But Natalie won't do that, will she? She'll date Charlie, contract his herpes, break up with him, pose for Playboy, go on Stern, have a cameo on the CW's 90210, tweet something inappropriate about her herpes, and then ... just disappear. Poof. Next thing you know, you'll be driving by your local community college and think, hey, that girl looks familiar. How do I know her? And it will be Natalie. You will nod in her direction, she'll nod back, and you'll drive away wondering how to protect your daughters from a similar fate. And then you'll hear a banging! And it's Natalie, pounding on your trunk! She needs a ride, and you'll kindly drop her off at her grandmother's apartment complex, and you'll lend her $10, even though she asked for $20.
What do you think will happen to Charlie's new girlfriend, Natalie?
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