Clueless Husband Invents PMS Wristband for Wife

arguing coupleIs your man clueless? Does he have trouble understanding why you cry sometimes (for no reason at all!) or scream at him until you're blue in the face? Inventor Karl Dorn (or, as I feel like I should refer to him, Karl DURRR-n) has the solution! He has envisioned a wristband that he likes to call "Help for Husbands." According to the Daily Mail article that ran yesterday about this crazy-ass thing, it changes color to "warn" DH that his woman is PMSing. It works by "monitoring subtle changes in a woman's body temperature during her monthly cycle."

What. The. Hell?!

Hilariously, the PMS wristband only exists in this bozo's mind right now. There's no working prototype and no patent. But DURRRn Dorn is a finalist in an invention competition going on in England. So, that must be why his cockamamie idea is making the Mail.


Dorn says he got to thinkin' about it when he was having a few brews at the pub with his mates. Watching "footie" (you know, soccer), they'd kvetch about their relationships a la Al Bundy. That's when THE LIGHTBULB went off! WHAT IF men didn't have to be psychic to figure out what their wives were upset about?! Hence, an all-knowing wristband. (Maybe he would have been better off with a crystal ball ...) Because the only reason we're annoyed/frustrated/angry/upset/horny/worried/anxious/overwhelmed/clumsy/irritated or ready to walk out the door, etc.? The coming or going of our periods!!! Yeah, I'm only up in arms about this right now because I'm raging with PMS. Obviously.

Dorn told the Mail:

It's a very taboo issue -- I was a bit concerned about putting it forward -- but if you can help couples understand each other and communicate better that's got to be a good thing.

Well, at least his heart is in the right place? Still, Dorn really needs a swift PMS-induced smackaroo across the back of his head. I don't know what his relationship is like with his wife of 16 years (oh yes, someone married this guy), but it seems like he never got caught up to speed on how real adult relationships work.

Let's break it down for him, shall we?

You see, Karl, there are a bevy of reasons why women get upset at their men. Sometimes, it's because the guy is suffering from a case of Out-to-Lunch Disorder (you might wanna see a doc about that) ... or because the guy flat-out screwed up! Or because he's done a ton of little things we've neglected to address (like, forgetting to take out the trash when we've asked politely multiple times), and then we just blow up at him about it all in one fell swoop. (Not the most productive way to handle, I'll admit, but it happens.) Maybe 1 out of 500 cases has even an iota to do with our menstrual cycle. And in 100% of cases, if our guy doesn't know why we're upset, all he has to do is ASK! If you want to help couples understand one another and communicate better, maybe you could become a marriage counselor.

Okay, yes. There are women who simply expect their husbands to read their minds -- they refuse to say, "Honey, I spent all day juggling work and the kids, and now I have a migraine that is piercing my forehead open, so leave me the hell alone!" Similarly, there are men who can't ask, "Sweetheart, what did I do?" or say, "I'm sorry." But, seriously ... I think we all have evolved enough to be able to figure it out without the help of a PMS mood ring.

Don't you?


Image via sammydavisdog/Flickr

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