Great Guy, Bad Sex: What's a Girl To Do?

The guy I'm dating is great in every possible way -- EXCEPT for the sex! What do I do?


Horny But Happy Sort Of

Dear Horny But Happy Sort Of:

The answer to this question depends on who is doing the asking. How old are you? How old is he? Are you at a point in your life where sex isn’t nearly as important as the fact that he is the only man in your group of friends whose family still lets him keep his car keys?


How much practice has he had? Is he five years past his first wet dream or has he had plenty of time and women and should not need a chart of the female anatomy to find her port of entry?

I know all too well how hard it is to find a great guy, but for me, I’m still at a stage in my life that he could be the funniest, sweetest guy in the world and yet every time I looked at him, all I’d be able to think was, “I may never orgasm again,” whereupon, my laughter would quickly turn to tears and ultimately one giant sobfest.

I don’t know, maybe it’s also because to me, sex is like dessert. You see, I love a good meal, just like anybody else but to me it’s never complete without something sweet at the end, you know, like a chocolate chip cookie, a piece of fudge cake, a rich, creamy penis....oh wait, that's not a real dessert is it?

I’ll admit that some nights, a good episode of “The Closer” would come in a close second, but honestly nothing really compares to screaming your head off for a reason that has nothing to do with the fact that your child just pressed the panic button on your alarm system and now the cops are on their way over to your place, ready to hand you your $175 ticket for completely wasting their time.

Never mind that the chance of my running into a great guy are so very slim that the idea of having to endure bad sex is just too much to even consider. Don't forget, I live in Los Angeles. A city renowned for having one of the shallowest dating pools in the nation. A city where you'd be hard pressed to find a man with a dead mother, who is not writing a screenplay, isn’t even entertaining the idea and who doesn’t attempt to comfort you by informing you that even if his writing career never takes off he can always take on more work as a movie extra. 

You get my drift?

And yet, I still hesitate to say run as fast as you can because the thing is, you could just buy a vibrator and when he’s not looking go and have that great sex you know you’ll never have, knowing that when you are done, he’ll be there to do all the other things he does so well and if you think about it, perhaps that ain't such a bad thing.

Bottom line. Life is a series of trade-offs. If this is one you think you can handle, well then, by all means, go for it.

Are you a single mom with a question about dating/sex/love? Or do you just want to try to trip Jessica up? Leave her a question in comments or you can write to her directly at

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