Hey Guys: Pretend You're Broke This Christmas

christmas treeBeing broke around the holidays stinks big time. But a story that suggests taking our cues from the oldest profession in the world to afford a gift for your sweetie has left me feeling oddly drawn to acting like we're broke this year.

Instead of a gift wrapped in paper and ribbons, the folks at Good in Bed say we should keep it simple and cheap! Give our bodies in the form of charity sex to the one we love. I couldn't agree more.


Don't get me wrong, their word choice stinks. The idea that I'd be having sex with my husband out of charity even once takes the shine off our entire sex life. I don't have to be charitable; I actually enjoy having sex with this guy! But take away the title, and I'm all for it. Cancel the Christmas tree. Put the stocking in storage. I'll take all the gifted sex he can give this Christmas. 

It's not what the men's mags will have on their "what to buy for your wife" lists, I'm sure. 'Tis the season of the world's best known virgin giving birth and all, and the guys feel like they're supposed to go all out with diamonds and gadgets to woo her and make her happy. Sorry guys, that's just another sign you don't know "what women want."

It's not your fault. I put full blame on the Virgin Mary for the most depressing of all myths: that women -- especially Moms -- aren't nearly as sexual as men. Once moms were painted as the Madonna, the mystical mother figure, all bets for getting him into bed were off.

There's an entire group of men I know who literally would not sleep with their own wives once she got pregnant because they, get this, respected her too much now. Respect this, gentlemen: ladies love sex too. About 67 percent of us think about it several times a month; another 19 percent think about it every single day. You can't say the same about a Kindle or a sweater. Or a vacuum cleaner or a coffee of the month club certificate for that matter. We might want them, sure, but we don't crave them. 

So why isn't he putting himself under the tree? Guys think about sex constantly -- just ask dad. He should be jumping at the chance, but we've got them thinking they need to blow us out of the water with something big.

It's time to throw money out the window and act like we have none to spend this Christmas (in this economy, let's face it, we won't really be pretending). Get back to when you had to be creative with your gifts, guys. Give her something she'll really enjoy; I give you permission.


Image via Shandi-Lee/Flickr

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