Single Moms Who Go Both Ways

Dear Dating Mom:

The other night, my friends and I were debating which is better: masturbation or sex. Some said masturbation, and I was surprised! What is your opinion?


I Could Go Both Ways

Dear "Both Ways":

Well, let’s see -- are you lying in bed with my ex right now? Because if so, trust me when I say, go with the former.

Or, are you writing me from a prison cell, because in that case, depending on your size and who, if anyone, has taken a liking to you, it might not be your choice, capiche?


But seriously(ish), whether to masturbate or have sex depends on so many things. Are you on the road somewhere and the pickings at the hotel bar are slim? Are you coming off a three-year dry spell that nearly brought you so close to losing your mind you actually turned to your vibrator one night and asked it why it never says, “I love you"?

Or do you find yourself in a position where the guy you’re with is totally hot, and even though he won’t shut the f**k up about his problems, you still feel compelled to have sex with him because you’re afraid this could be it for yet ANOTHER 3 years?

You see what I am getting at? The circumstances are endless. 

Your best bet is to make a list of the pros and cons when deciding whether to get yourself off or have someone do it for you. Although, I will agree, that doesn’t sound very romantic and might not even be feasible.

I mean, I’m pretty sure that if I was making out with a guy and then suddenly pulled out a pen and paper and started to list why I should or shouldn't let him enter my well coiffed girly den, the night would more than likely end up with me on the couch being comforted by nothing more than my hand, a cup of hot cocoa, and the Hairspray DVD.

And, let us not forget, by the way, that masturbation might not even be an option for those whose religion dictates that it's wrong and to do so would make them not only a sinner but blind. Quite frankly, I wouldn’t have minded being raised to believe such a thing. It’s a lot easier to sleep at night thinking you “had” to have sex with a guy for health reasons rather than just because he was there, oh, and he did buy you a plate of cheese fries, so really, what choice did you have? 

In essence, what I’m saying is, masturbation and sex both serve a purpose, although, at least after sex, there is still a chance that someone else will walk the dog.

 Are you a single mom with a question about dating/sex/love? Or do you just want to try to trip Jessica up? Leave her a question in comments or you can write to her directly at

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