11 Signs You Are Extremely Desperate

jury dutyThe juror who was caught propositioning a court marshal with a sexy note during pre-sentencing testimony for convicted murderer Steven Hayes has officially skeeved us out. A man's life is on the line, and this chick had dinner plans on the brain?

It's extreme desperation, but we supposed it could be worse. The note could have been intended for Hayes himself. Discovery Channel has built an entire show, Prison Wives, off of women who don't know when to turn their date-scoping radar off in inappropriate situations.

And guys have the reputation for thinking with their crotches? Ladies of America, apparently you need a refresher course in how to think before you flirt. If you've ever thought about picking up a date at any of these places, get professional help:


Craigslist -- What's worse than a date that doesn't end in a good night kiss? One where you end up dead. The number of murders that trace back to a meeting on Craigslist is mounting. This past summer, Philip Markoff committed suicide in a jail cell rather than face charges that he killed a massage therapist he met on the site. Just last week, the trial of John Katehis, a man accused of killing radio host George Weber, was declared a mistrial. The two met on Craigslist and allegedly discussed sex for money.

Colonoscopy exam room -- Asking him out to eat is better done when he's not examining the remnants of your last meal.

Family reunion -- Yes, it's a Jeff Foxworthy-style joke. But it's sound advice. It didn't work so well for the royals of Europe -- they ended up with a host of deformities from all that inbreeding.

The men's room -- I don't care if he's your soul mate. The open-door bathroom policy does not begin until after the 20th date or so. He'll come back out. Just wait it out.

Divorce court -- There's a reason you're getting divorced. Think about it. Or at least grab your lawyer to write up a quick prenup this time.

Anger management class -- Two hot heads in love make for sparks at first. Then they implode.

Suicide hot line -- Is he in love with you or just convinced you're his guardian angel who saved his life and therefore can never leave his side again? Not even to go to the bathroom.

Wake/funeral -- Try saying these words to yourself: "Aww, Granny Annie is dead? That sucks, wanna have sex?" Now try saying them out loud. You get the picture?

The free clinic -- At least wait until after he's had that STD test run. It takes a few days for the results, you know.

Ashley Madison -- The dating site that runs with the slogan "Life is Short, Have an Affair" might want to change that to "Your mom will never look at you the same again ... and neither will you."

McDonald's -- You never want to start off a relationship with a guy who thinks you're a cheap date. He may expect you to live up to the reputation.


Image via mrbill/Flickr

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