Oh, the Strange Things People Do After Sex!

Intertwined feetWhat's the first thing you do after you're done having sex? Do you luxuriate in the post-coital glow?

Or do you ease yourself out of bed, walking slowly and carefully to the bathroom so as not to let any bodily fluids fall on the floor?

In the movies, this would be when someone lights up a cigarette while lying in bed and enjoys a long, hard smoke.

In romance novels, love is toasted with a bottle of champagne in a silver ice bucket that has been hidden away to be brought out at just the right moment.

In erotic literature, the story just ends. The characters have climaxed and there's nothing left to do or say. They get back to their painting, hop on their motorcycles, or go shopping for more sex toys.

And in pornographic movies, the woman gets dressed, makes some remark like "See you later Daddy," and walks on out of the office or classroom or barn. It doesn't really matter to the storyline.

But those are all fiction.


In reality, you and/or your partner probably do one of these 10 things when you're done having sex:

  1. Sleep: For some biochemical reason having to do with the post-orgasmic release of the hormone prolactin, men want to sleep after sex. And snore and drool.
  2. Wipe off: Not recommended but sometimes necessary. Like if you're in a hurry because you have to go pick up the kids from school.
  3. Shower: Because you can get sweaty during your romp, body fluids can go flying and a shower just feels good. Especially if you do it together.
  4. Snuggle: Sure, it's a warm, fuzzy feeling to be cozy after being intimate. But could you please shower first?
  5. Urinate: Many gynecologists recommend peeing after sex as a way to help prevent a urinary tract infection.
  6. Masturbate: Not necessarily because the sex was unfulfilling, though it could have been. Maybe you're just so relaxed, you want to touch yourself.
  7. Eat: All those thrusts and (hopefully) orgasms are hard work. You're hungry but you don't want to cook. How about ordering a pizza? And eating it in bed.
  8. Go out: Your whole body is radiating, your skin is glowing, even without makeup, and you're walking on Cloud 9.
  9. Check your phone: Out of habit or just because you can. Who knows, your mother may have called or something important may have happened in the last 20 minutes. Like Lady Gaga wearing a pantsuit made out of raw chicken.
  10. Do it again: People really do this. It's not fictional. I promise.

What's your post-sex ritual?

Image via Lite Speed Photography/Flickr

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