10 Relationship Must Haves Before Saying 'I Do'

Sock monkey weddingWhat are some of the reasons that a marriage fails?

Infidelity is one obvious reason. Growing apart is another popular one.

But sometimes a marriage fails because the two people didn't share the must-have qualities that should be a part of your relationship before you make the decision to get married.

My first marriage ended in divorce. And there wasn't just one thing that contributed to its ending. Rather, it was a combination of qualities that were lacking in our relationship.

A few years ago, armed with what I had learned from the downfall of my first marriage, I decided to remarry. I was older, wiser, and knew what I would need in a relationship to make it successful. So far, so good.

These 10 pre-marital must-haves are ones that I've learned through my mistakes. And having if not all of these, then at least the majority of them will give you and your husband-to-be a better shot at making your marriage last.


1. Sexual chemistry

Okay, the obvious one. If you don't have chemistry and the urge to jump each other's bones every chance you can at this point, before you get married, then you're going to have a problem later on in the marriage.

2. Desire to procreate. Or not.

You need to have this discussion before you tie the knot. A must-have is for the two of you to be on the same side of this decision. Definitely don't go in to a marriage thinking that one of you is going to change your mind. Sure that could happen but you can't count on it.

3. A sense of humor

The ability to laugh at adversity and find humor in everyday issues will go a long way to making life better. Take everything too seriously and life is going to be a drag.

4. Honesty

If you don't trust him now, before you get married, then how are you going to trust him later? Another deal-breaker.

5. Support

Does he support your dreams? Or does he think it's cute that you've always wanted to be a photographer? You should be each other's biggest fans.

6. Compromise

You're not going to agree on everything. You're two individual, unique people. So you're going to have some irreconcilable differences. And that's okay as long as both of you share in the compromising.

7. Compatibility

You can't just love each other. You also have to like each other. And enjoy being together.

8. Happiness

Before you exchange rings, you both need to be happy. With yourselves. Because you can't look to anyone else to make you happy.

9. Be realistic

People don't change that easily, especially the older they get. Don't go into a relationship thinking that you can change someone or that they will change.

10. Shared financial goals

Is he a spender and you're a saver? Or is it vice versa? Either is fine as long as you both have the same financial expectations and goals.

The most important thing? Don't be afraid to be honest about your must-haves. Not just with each other, but also with yourself.

What are some of your must-haves?

Image via SpiritMama/Flickr

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