Ask Dad: What if the Kids Catch Us?

Monday, Monday, can't touch that day.

It's when Ask Dad arrives, and takes troubles away.

So what are they? Do share!

My husband says getting up in the middle of our messing around to lock the door (so our kids don't run in) kills the moment for him, but I'm terrified about the possibility of being "caught"... any tips on how to be spontaneous without "killing" the moment?

First, I've got two questions for you.

How far away is the bedroom door? Do you live at the Aaron Spelling mansion? Is the moment so fleeting that a five-second sprint will kill it? OK, that's already three questions. I'll move on to answers.


Believe it or not, there are some folks who get off on the idea of getting caught. But I think as fewer and fewer of us are raised with the old-style religious guilt, this is getting rare. Just like the perverse thrill of a lady in a nun's outfit doesn't do much for most men anymore. (OK, maybe if it's just the right lady. And just the right nun's outfit.)

Obviously, you don't feel that way. But can I convince you just to relax about it?

We're all so worried about traumatizing our kids by having them get a glimpse of adult sexuality. This is a fine idea, but the truth is an accidental walk-in just isn't the worst thing in the world. A groggy toddler or an unsuspecting 8-year-old will probably just be oblivious.

The big majority of kids who have ever existed were conceived with other kids sleeping nearby, quite often in the same room. Think of the shack your great-grandparents lived in with their 12 siblings. You think their dirt-poor parents got a hotel room to get crazy and make babies?

Remember Angela's Ashes? When young Frank McCourt has to listen to his mother and his cousin Lemon Griffin get after it every night so they could have a place to live? OK, bad example, he was really screwed up by that. But he turned out great!

But if you need convincing, it probably won't be spontaneous anyway. I understand your husband's problem. Married sex in the bedroom is just so acceptable, so approved, that even if it's rockin' it's hard to get truly jazzed about it.

So go ahead and keep up your door-locking ways. Have your boring grown-up acceptable bedroom sex. 

But bring the spontaneity -- and bring it hard! -- elsewhere.

  • Find a way to show up at his office if he's working late and alone. He won't mind you locking that door for some desk-chair sex.
  • Or better yet, have him come to your office. Nothing sexier than a working woman in her business clothes. It's like the new nun's outfit.
  • Or get a hotel room. You're not your great-grandparents. Have a "nooner" on your lunch break like they do on Mad Men. The kids will be a distant memory.  

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