Angry Sex: Another Huge Difference Between Men and Women

Fighting swansJack and Jill, who have been married for eight years, are having a fight.

It started out being about Jack leaving dirty dishes in the sink. But then it escalated a little bit. And became a fight about Jill's mother being too bossy, telling them how to raise their children and putting Jack down.

The night they're having this fight happens to be the once in a blue moon that their kids, all three of them, are spending the night at Jill's mother's house so the happy, loving couple can spend some time alone. One of the highlights was going to be trying out some of the new sex toys Jill had gotten Jack for his birthday.

But they're mad at each other. So what do they do?


A. Try to resolve their argument so they can kiss and make up and more.

B. Call the evening a failure, watch some TV, and go to bed angry.

C. Jump into the sack knowing that this time together is rare and they can figure out their fight later.

D. Go down the hill to fetch a pail of water.

Chances are that the answer is going to be either A or B. At least for Jill. And the likelihood is that Jack will probably choose C.

Why are they so different? Why can't Jill just put the fight somewhere else in her mind and enjoy getting physical with her husband?

Because sex starts in the brain for women. There has to be emotional intimacy for there to be sexual intimacy. Fighting or disagreeing with your spouse, though it's a necessary part of a healthy marriage, can make you feel stressed and vulnerable. And when women feel that way or are angry, it's hard to get their bodies to want to feel close.

Men are, well, different.

Sex for men starts farther down. Like in the lower half of their bodies. Sure men can be emotionally intimate. They just don't need to have that intimacy to have sex. One theory? That the high level of testosterone in men primes them to be ready for sex more easily. And more often.

Jack and Jill's best choice? Option A.

The process of working out an argument or fight is good for their relationship because it helps build up their emotional intimacy. Then they can move on to the awesome make-up sex and increase their sexual intimacy. 

And by the time the kids get back from Jill's mom's house, both Jack and Jill are smiling from ear to ear, feeling happy, relaxed, and more bonded as a couple thanks to the endorphins released from their brains. And that's important to both men and women.

Is sex driven more by emotion or physical need in your relationship?


Image via Life is a Wonder/Flickr

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