How to Have Sex With the Right Guy

outline of couple huggingSometimes you have to have sex with a lot of guys to find the right guy. But if you don't want to be a raging slut on the quest for the penis attached to the man of your dreams, rest easy nearly virgins ... I have done the dirty work for you.

We all want to have fantasy sex with a guy who will be our knight coated in lube and a tongue that won't quit so all our sessions end with a mindblowing orgasm, right? Oh. So. Wrong. I have a theory on mindblowing orgasms. And it's that they don't exist. Well, they do and they are in our head, shoved in there by pornos or some twisted penis enlargement or get bigger breasts now! ad that popped into our inbox.

I'm not saying orgasms don't exist ...


I'm just saying they don't always happen. Some women don't even have orgasms and they still enjoy the f&*k out of sex.

If we take the pressure off the act of making love, that's when the real party without your pants on begins. So maybe it's not a mindblowing orgasm, but it's a mindblowing experience. Maybe it's not even penetrative sex because you're afraid to do the deed when you have a period, but it's still a mindblowing experience.

The secret to having this mindblowing time with the right guy has to do with what kind of guy you are in bed with.

There are selfish lovers. And they suck. Perhaps literally. They don't understand how to give oral or even how to make out (hence the reason they suck instead of tonguing you the right way). And they don't care. These are the guys who don't stop to ask for directions when they are lost, so they won't ask you what feels good when navigating your body. This guy is the type who doesn't let you finish a sentence without interrupting you, he talks about himself in the first, second, and third person, and his favorite subject is ... you guessed it ... himself. Avoid unless you want a quick bang or you're a blogger and want some fodder for a sex post without guilt the next day.

There are overly concerned lovers. On the opposite side of selfish lovers are the men who are just too damn worried about you to actually let go and let the "oh my god" part of sex take over. They ask too many questions during the act: Does this feel good? How about this? Am I hurting you? Should I be doing something different? Yes, Mister Talky Talk. Shut up and screw me already. You can spot this kind of guy as the type who goes to the bathroom to "freshen up" during a date maybe he even has a pocket mirror he whips out to check his teeth, he's the one who can't make a decision on where to eat on his own, and has five too many self-help books.

Which leads us to the perfect lover ... a balance of just what is needed and that is a sensitive man. But I caution -- too sensitive and he ventures into overly concerned territory. This man is in touch with himself -- he knows his way around his own body and yours, he asks questions but at the right times, he wants to please you but isn't overly eager like the kid on the first day of school with an apple. He is the type is a man who gets that you might not come every time so he is going to kiss you with passion and make you moan for other reasons. He has a sense of humor, even in the bedroom. He is playful and flirts with you even after your 11th date or 11th wedding anniversary. He cares about the world, your kids, knows how you like your coffee. And he listens to you when you talk ... even if it's drivel about which of the Real Housewives is your favorite.

"Perfect," I admit is subjective. But before you settle down with one man be sure to take a look at your sex life (or the clues to what your sex life could be like) and realize that this might be the man you end up getting naked with for the rest of your life. You want that sex to be good -- pleasurable -- or you'll end up divorced or having a lifetime affair with your vibrator or be banging the sensitive neighbor and living a lie. And if you already married Selfish Sal or Overly Concerned Carl, then I'm glad you're reading the Love & Sex channel on The Stir because we've got a lot of tips for you to get you two in sexual sync.

Selfish, overly concerned, or perfect? Have you had lovers that fell into these categories? Did it last?


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