Ask Dad: What Are the Signs I Shouldn't Marry Him?

engagementCafeMom is chock-full of wise and compassionate women who do a lovely job of answering questions for each other. But sometimes you want a different point of view, and that's my raison d'etre, mes amis (didn't know I spoke Latin, didja?). I'm the dad, and this is Ask Dad.

Today's question:

What are some signs that I shouldn't marry my boyfriend?

Short and direct -- I like it. The first thing that leaps to mind is, "If you have to ask ..." Having doubts doesn't necessarily mean you should never marry him, but you are wise to heed that quiet but insistent voice in your head until you are completely sure he's the one. As for specific signs, there are plenty, but here's a start.

  • He doesn't want to get married.
  • He's already married.
  • You've never met him in person.
  • He cheats on you.
  • He hits you.
  • He's dead.
  • You're "pretty sure" you love him ... or vice versa.
  • You speak different languages and you don't understand a word he says.
  • He's Mel Gibson.
  • You love kids, he hates them, or vice versa.
  • He's a priest and has taken a vow of celibacy.
  • He's a drunk or a junkie.
  • He's a junk or a drunkie.
  • He blames you for his problems.
  • He likes Nickelback, Miley Cyrus, or John Tesh.
  • He wants to live in a cabin in the mountains, stock up on weapons, and write angry, threatening letters to the government.
  • He's terrible in bed (unless you want to teach him).
  • He thinks a clitoris is a flower. Or that actress, whatsherface, Leachman?
  • "What? Women can have orgasms, too?"
  • He instructs you not to speak unless spoken to.
  • He doesn't respect or support your goals.
  • He's threatened by your potential or your accomplishments.
  • His family hates you and/or you hate them.
  • He's gay and only wants you as his beard.
  • He wants to go get his green card immediately after the wedding.
  • He doesn't laugh at Arrested Development, The Big Lebowski, or David Sedaris.
  • His mother still does his laundry.
  • His mother still bathes him.
  • He's petty or vindictive.
  • He blames you for his shortcomings.
  • He doesn't value your opinion.
  • He isn't kind or considerate to others.
  • He lives at home, likes it, and wants to stay.
  • He has no job, no ambition, no goals in life.
  • He's dead broke (unless you want to support him).
  • He wants an open marriage and you don't.
  • He makes excuses not to spend time with you.
  • You make excuses in your mind for his various bad behaviors and believe that he will magically transform into a completely different guy once you marry him.

I could list things all day, but again, the biggest sign of all is that you aren't 100 percent sure you want to marry him. Don't do so until you are.


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Photo via Tela Chhe/Flickr

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