Sex Secret: My Solid Marriage Had a Not-So-Solid Beginning

Naughty Wife
All's well that ends well?
Everyone has a dirty little secret and this is a safe place where we can share them (anonymously, of course). Go ahead, spill. We won't tell. (No, this isn't me! I said it was anonymous -- it comes from!)

This Week's Confession:
"Sixteen years ago today, my husband's ex marched him to my door at 3 a.m. so he could tell me our affair was over. He entered my apartment, pushed the ex out the door, and slammed it in her face. Fifteen years ago, we were married, and today, she's divorced for the third time and we're still married. She still has the nerve to call me a homewrecker." -- Anonymous


You know, bad things happen. People aren't perfect. And infidelity is a hot-button issue -- either people have been there, or they haven't. Nobody's saying it's a good idea to cheat or that it's a good way to handle a bad situation -- well, I'm not anyway. But it happens.

For some, it's a completely desperate attempt to get out of a relationship because they don't have the nerve to say, "I want out." For others, it's a childish "acting out" in response to a controlling spouse. And of course, there are schmucks who don't seem to feel empathy. But there's no one reason to cheat, and no one response that fits all cheaters.

I know this even-handed response will throw my comments into a frenzy, but I'm sorry. I don't think sexual infidelity necessarily signals some deep sociopathic problem. It's a mistake, and mistakes can be mended, or at least not repeated. For this confessor, the wrong act led to the right ending. We hate that in our society -- our Protestant forbears couldn't bear for there not to be a moral lesson learned. But sometimes, the lesson learned is "don't get married to the wrong person again."

Not that it's good to gloat. There's something a little gloat-y here, and as one commenter pointed out, maybe the ex-wife never had a marriage last because of the trauma of her first marriage. Personally, I don't buy that, but maybe you do.

In the end, cheating is not the straightest line from Point A (unhappy marriage) to Point B (happy one). But just because it started out this way doesn't mean it can't -- or shouldn't -- end well. Just look at Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward -- you gonna tell me that didn't work out better in the end?

What do you think of this confession? Tell us in the comments!

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