Is He Too Small, or Am I Too Picky?

Sex therapist Yvonne Fulbright
Yvonne Fulbright, PhD
We’re supposed to say that penis size doesn’t matter, but the plain truth is that for many of us, it does. A lot. And we’re often made to feel guilty when we admit that, because there’s supposed to be more to relationships than sex. Well, of course there is -- but there’s also got to be sex! This week, a CafeMom asks how to decide if she should work things out with a potential long-term love, or if the disappointing package will always be an issue.

How small is too small? I love this new guy I am dating but he really is smaller than I'm used to. How do I know if it's something I can work with -- or if I should just move on, because I'll really never be satisfied?

We turned to Yvonne Fulbright, PhD, a sex educator, sex coach, and author of The Better Sex Guide to Lovemaking ($18.98 at Amazon) among other books. Here’s her insight into this uncomfortable conundrum.


"How small is too small? That comes down to your personal preferences. For some women, that means not enough length; for others, it’s the girth that makes her feel 'filled up.' Part of creating this sensation is having well developed pelvic floor muscles, as this allows her to better squeeze his shaft during intercourse, which creates more stimulation for both of them.

"What does sexual satisfaction mean for you? Can you focus on the emotional bond rather than the size? Can you be satisfied with the oral action he provides? Are there other ways to use his size to your advantage -- maybe by arranging for the head of his penis to knock against your G spot, which a larger one wouldn’t be able to do?”

In other words, it’s not so much his "fault" for being small as both of you not matching up in the bedroom -- a common problem, and one that neither of you is to blame for. The question isn’t "is he too small?" so much as "are you sexually satisfied in this relationship?" If the answer is no, then you have another question to ask: Do you need sexual satisfaction to be happy? Some don’t; some do. The ultimate decision is yours, and nobody else should make you feel guilty or wrong about it.

In the long run, sex can be the glue that holds you together through the rough times -- or it can be the emotional connection that sees you through times when sex isn’t so available. There’s no easy answer, but at least you can take the focus off his equipment and onto a larger issue -- one that you might be able to solve with more creative lovemaking or that makes you realize you’ve got to move on.

Does size matter to you? What would you advise? Tell us in the comments!

Image via Yvonne Fulbright/Sensual Fusion

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