Relationship Tip: Renew Your Vows (The Normal Way)

Photo by Cindy Chen
The web's abuzz with news of celebrities renewing their wedding vows lately -- but with the exception of Heidi and Seal's funny Hawaiian jaunt, something feels really forced and artificial about all these fancy public declarations of eternal amour. A quick survey of my pals reveals that none would consider throwing a re-wedding, and many called it "a sure sign of a future divorce." And according to relationship expert Dr. Gilda Carle, when celebs make "media productions" of their re-vows, "one can only wonder if their aim is really to re-declare their love, or just to attract attention and convince themselves that they're built to last."

Yet there's something to be said about reaffirming your twosome by looking back on your wedding day and feeling the excitement of that commitment all over again

Why don't you renew your vows, without all the fanfare?


One rabbi I know recommends that the couples she marries take out their ketubah -- a religious marriage certificate -- and re-read it when times are tough. Of course, not everyone has such an item -- or one that's not written in Hebrew.

Still, "to be less ostentatious, a couple might dispense with all the hoopla and simply sit by the water or on a mountain together, and enumerate the reasons for their love. Seal and Heidi Klum do that AS PART OF the big hoopla; they leave the festivities and sit alone with their kids for an hour. Why not make it the entire event?"

You could also take your photo album -- or, maybe even better, a file of photos that were supposed to go into an album when you got around to it. What if you planned a little date around going through the photos and talking about that day and how great it was? You can laugh over the things that didn't go well, marvel at how thin you both were, and feel yourselves falling back into that new-marriage bubble.

Do you remember your vows? Do you still have them in a file? Are they on video? Bust them out and reminisce, even if it's not your anniversary. Nobody else is invited -- just the two of you (or you and your kids) and your past memories and future dreams. Because that's what those vows were really about.

Have you ever renewed your vows? How'd you do it, and when?

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