My Husband Wants Back-Door Stimulation. Is He Gay?

Sharon Moalem
Image from Sharon Moalem
We recently overheard a sex question about anal stimulation and what it means if a man craves it.

Question: My boyfriend told me he'd like me to penetrate him with a strap-on. He seems very hetero, but this request makes me wonder if he's not. Should I be worried?

I took this question to Sharon Moalem, Ph.D,  author of How Sex Works: Why We Look, Smell, Taste, Feel, and Act the Way We Do ($9.44 at Amazon). If anyone can penetrate this mystery, he can.


Sharon Moalem says: "This doesn't make him gay at all! Some men find anal-rectal stimulation pleasurable regardless of sexual preference. That area is full of sensitive nerve endings, not to mention the prostate gland. You've heard of women's G-spots; this is a man's P-spot. Your boyfriend's request may be a simple matter of stimulating those two spots, or there may be more of a kink factor involved. Either way, rest assured: there are straight men who enjoy being penetrated, just as there are gay men who don't."

I hope Dr. Moalem has put you at ease. It can seem confusing when you get a request that seems so out-of-the-blue, but this is really a matter of a simple desire. That's the funny thing about sexual response: we can't control what turns us on, even when it seems irrational. You already know that your boyfriend is turned on by your soft skin, your curvy body, and the secret spots that only a woman has. If this request is the only "gay" thing about him, put your worries to rest, and get ready for a little fun. He brought this request to you because he trusts you deeply; return the favor by trusting him right back.

To explore this option without going straight to the strap-on, try a little anal play while you're giving him oral sex. A well-placed finger, on or in the area in question, can have an extreme effect. Once you see how he rockets into the stratosphere at your very touch, you might feel more friendly toward the whole endeavor.

By the way, if your guy doesn't want you anywhere near his booty, but you'd like to try stimulating the G-spot anyway, you can press on his perineum, or "taint." That's the area between the testicles and the anus ('taint one, 'taint the other). If you can reach it during sex (especially easy if you're on top but facing away from him), you may find things coming to a hasty, ecstatic end, no strap-on required.

If it comes down to it, you can acquire a strap-on at many online sex-toy stores – but make sure you get lots of lube as well. For an erotic and literary description of this kind of sex (with a fireman, no less!), check out Holding Fire, a novel by Elissa Wald. It may give you ideas – and a shot of can-do courage!

Have another sex or relationship question? Ask me in a comment below or send an email here, choosing Love & Sex as your subject. I'll work on getting an expert answer.

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