This week's probing question: I got drunk at a party and kissed another man. I have no feelings for the guy, but I still feel guilty. Should I tell my husband?
This might not be a popular answer, but here goes.
Flickr photo by stevendepoloIf it was a one-time thing and really meant nothing to you, I say keep it to yourself. I'm a firm believer in "what you don't know won't hurt you" in many cases, and in this case, I wouldn't want to know. Knowing won't change what happened; it will only hurt me and make me distrust you unnecessarily when all you did was overindulge.
People say there should be no secrets in marriage. Sorry, but I disagree. I'm all for honesty, but there are certain things your spouse doesn't need to know, like details of your past relationships (especially sexual details) or anything else that doesn't affect him now. I've been married a long time, and my wife and I probably know about 98 percent of everything there is to know about each other. The other 2 percent is unimportant and irrelevant, and neither of us wants or needs to know it.
Besides, what is your goal in telling him? We like to think we're being noble to admit our mistakes, but really, we're often doing it only to clear our own consciences. Telling him what you did won't help him. You'd be doing it for you, not him. If you had slept with this guy, my advice might be different, but for a kiss or two, I simply suggest you lay off the sauce and keep your lips -- and your secret -- to yourself.
On the other hand, you need be very sure that your behavior isn't indicative of a larger problem in you or your marriage. Has this happened before? Do you have a need to feel wanted by other men? Are you dissatisfied with your marriage? Do you feel neglected or unappreciated by your husband? Do you have a drinking problem? These are all questions you need to ask yourself. If you think there might be more to this kiss than too many margaritas, then you'll need to address that problem, which might eventually include confessing what you did.
If it truly was nothing, if you are confident that it won't affect your marriage and won't happen again, I say take it to your grave.
Agree or disagree?
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