Former CIA Director David Petraeus has apologized for the extramarital affair that rocked the country last fall and made him resign from his position. His affair with Paula Broadwell was the biggest bit of non-news ever and now it continues? Seriously?

Last night's speech marked his first public speech since the scandal. According to him: "Life doesn't stop with such a mistake. It can and must go on." He's right and he's wrong.

Life is going on for all of us. Since November, we have moved on to other scandals and other things to talk about, no doubt. It was fun while it lasted, to mock these two people -- the general and his hard-bodied biographer -- but it got old. Petraeus doesn't owe us an apology at all. We owe him one.

After suffering for nine long years, paralyzed veteran turned activist Tomas Young, 33, has decided to refuse any more water, nourishment, or medication -- in other words, to let himself die. His story of sacrifice and suffering is absolutely heartbreaking and brings home the reality not just of what so many men and women have to endure when they go to fight wars, but the terrible cost to their families.

My daughter was born the day the Iraq war started, and every year for the past 10 years, the occasion that is most joyous to me has also reminded me of the suffering happening across the ocean, for people on both “sides.” And, of course, of the pain endured here at home by our returning veterans, their families, and the families of those who never come home at all. Today, reading about Young’s story, I’m reminded of that all over again -- but it is his mom’s words that truly break my heart:

Prepare to have your brain hurt, because conservadouche Rush Limbaugh has opened his ridiculous mouth again. And it's not pretty. Or smart. Or enriching to society. It's just plain idiotic and completely nonsensical. In what seems to be a completely lame attempt to stay current and relevant, he recently commented on Beyonce's new single, "Bow Down/I Been On." And -- get this -- he seems to be under the impression that it's an anti-feminist anthem! BHAHAHAHA.

No, really. Citing a story in The Telegraph, Limbaugh claimed that, rather than standing up for women's independence, Beyonce is encouraging women to be subservient to their spouses. "Bow Down," according to Rush, is telling women to "put up with it." And "she married the rich guy. She now understands it's worth it to bow down to men." Are. You. Kidding. Me. Cuz that's hilaaarious!

I have to wonder: Was the guy was having a senior moment?

It feels like it's been a million and a half years since Sarah Palin was actually relevant. (Especially now that even FOX News has no use for her!) But that didn't stop James Lipton, the long-time host of Inside the Actors Studio, from asking Tina Fey -- out promoting her new flick Admissions -- if she would do her classic impression of the former Alaska governor-turned-reality show star. Then again, that's his schtick. He loves to interview famous guests as one of their most memorable characters. And we love it, too.

Because even though it's an impression that could have gone completely stale, the current themes that flow through Tina's Palin-ized responses are so dead-on that it's all still hilaaarious. Seriously! And I would "betcha" not just to "liberal media folk" like yours truly.

Check it out ...

Rumors have been flying that Elisabeth Hasselbeck has not been asked to return to ABC’s The View next season due to her scary right-wing ideas like life beginning at conception. Us Weekly reported last week that the conservative commentator did not have her contract renewed for next year after polling showed that viewers thought her to be “too extreme.”

But then on Monday’s show, Barbara Walters walked in arm-in-arm with the 35-year-old mom of three and announced that she isn’t going anywhere. “The truth is, we love Elisabeth … beyond that we value and appreciate her point of view,” she said. “It’s important to us because Elisabeth helps give the show perspective and balance … we have no plans for Elisabeth to leave the show.”

When it comes to abortion laws, there's absolutely no consensus on what we all as Americans feel is appropriate. But in Arkansas this week, state lawmakers have decided they know what's best -- passing a law that prohibits abortion at 12 weeks of pregnancy, which is when a fetal heartbeat can typically be detected by an abdominal ultrasound. Even after Gov. Mike Beebe, a Democrat, called it "blatantly unconstitutional" and vetoed it. Now the state has what will be by far the country's most restrictive ban on abortion.

To be fair, it's a very hazy issue on which even people who consider themselves pro-choice find themselves grappling with. When should it simply be just too late to terminate a pregnancy? I'd argue that 12 weeks is far too early. Fetal heartbeat or not, there is a need for abortions to be legal that "late in the game."

In the wake of Queen Elizabeth II's hospital stay, a whole lotta crazy rumors have been flying. Like how her Royal Highness is sooo not a fan of her granddaughter-in-law, Kate Middleton, because she thinks she's a "do-little spoiled brat." Uh-huh, suuuure! Isn't she just about the most charitable royal we've known since her late mother-in-law, Diana?

Well, the truth is: Sort of. If you're judging just by numbers ... she is currently only officially the Patron of five charities -- Action on Addiction, East Anglia's Children's Hospices (EACH), The Art Room, National Portrait Gallery, and the Scout Association -- while the Queen is the Patron of more than 620 charities and organizations. On paper, then, I suppose it would follow that Kate isn't doing nearly as much as she could or should be, but let's be reasonable!

It looks like Texas is about to experience another boom. But this time it won't be oil -- it'll be babies! Texas legislators decided to defund what Rep. Bill Zeddler called "the abortion industry" by slashing funding for family planning. Because did you know? Family planning = abortion, y'all! Welp, we reap what we sow, Texas. We reap what we sow.

Thanks to these cuts, Texas is expecting 20,000 more unplanned pregnancies than usual. The Health and Human Services Commissions projects those unplanned pregnancies will add $273 million in costs to taxpayers. Ask any accountant, and they'll tell you that a relatively small budget cut that results in $273 million in new costs means you're flunking math. And the best part? They're not even getting what they think they paid for: fewer abortions. As governor Rick Perry would say, "Oops."