Stephen Colbert had graduates from the University of Virginia grabbing their stomachs for most of his 17-minute commencement address yesterday. The satirist, who did not attend the university (his application to attend there as a transfer student was rejected) but whose wife, Evelyn, did, put on a show worthy of any Colbert Report. Even the mandatory "advice" part on the end, where he makes fun of Millennials for be self-absorbed and beholden to their social media gods, is hysterical. But seriously, is this guy never not funny? He could breath and we'd laugh.

Here are 9 of his most brilliant quips from the speech:

Even before he stepped into the spotlight during Hurricane Sandy and made headlines for -- gasp! -- befriending President Obama, New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie has been buzzed about as a potential presidential contender for the Republican ticket in 2016. Given the magnitude of buzz, it's hard not to envision Christie vs. Hillary Clinton when thinking about who may be running three years from now. But many have been clucking for a while now that there's no way Christie can become POTUS, given his own "magnitude."

Enter a possible gamechanger and proof he's totally in it to win the White House: He secretly underwent lap-band stomach surgery, the governor revealed to The New York Post last night. He says he did it at the urging of family and friends after his 50th birthday last September. In other words, he's not saying trying to lose weight has anything to do with a presidential campaign, but pfft, come on!

It's never been a mystery what side of the gun control debate Sarah Palin lands on. She's made no secret of her family's love of hunting; her daughters gave her a pink handgun for her birthday; and perhaps most telling, her son Trigg's nickname is Trigger. So she was the perfect person to fire up the ammo-loving crowd at the NRA convention in Houston, Texas today. Sporting a pink lettered "Women Hunt" tee, she quoted Shakespeare (yes, the playwright) and Margaret Thatcher. Was that unexpected? You betcha!

Now historically, I have not been much of a fan of the one-time Alaskan governor, but her impassioned rant -- however misguided many may think it is -- just may have been one of her best. Check out Palin's 8 most inspirational quotes from the NRA convention.

Jay-Z and Beyonce were not at the White House Correspondents' Dinner last night (and neither was Lindsay Lohan so simmer down, Tom Brokaw), but that doesn't mean there's nothing fun to report. Come for the jokes. Stay for the jokes, people. President Obama and host Conan O'Brien brought lots of chuckles last night with their joke lineups, one the best being the hilarity of Obama's fashion bangs. LOL!

Here are the funniest jokes you missed if you didn't tune in last night (and seriously, who did?). 

Disgraced congressman Anthony Weiner is in the midst of attempting a comeback. Despite being forced to resign in 2011 due to sexually suggestive tweets he sent out, word on the street is: Weiner is vying for Bloomberg's seat as mayor of New York City. And because he'll be thoroughly vetted (again), he's getting it all(ish) out there, and letting us know that more sexy-time pictures of him may surface. They may not. But they may.

Just when we thought it might be safe to say Republicans learned in last year's election not to underestimate the power of 50 percent of their constituents, aka WOMEN, here comes New Hampshire state Rep. Peter Hansen, referring to women as "vaginas." Yes, like a petulant, pre-pubescent boy.

After a colleague gave a speech on a "stand your ground" gun bill, Hansen had the following to say via email ...

Last time we heard from Anthony Weiner, he was sexting up a storm with dozens of women, none of whom was his pregnant wife Huma Abedin. The scandal forced Weiner to resign from his position as New York Congressman. I can honestly say I've never been so disappointed in a politician. Well, except maybe Eliot Spitzer. And Bill Clinton. I'm sure there's some I'm forgetting. That said, Weiner is now reportedly thinking of running for mayor of New York City. If not for the scandal, I can honestly say I would vote for him. But now. I don't know. Can I forgive? Can all of us forgive?

One of Britain's most famous prime ministers of all time has died.  Margaret Thatcher, the first woman to hold the highest office in Britain, was 87. It was a stroke that took the Iron Lady from us, the same ailment that first took her out of the spotlight way back in 2002, when she cut back her public life and the speaking engagements that brought us the quotes she was most known for.

Thatcher served from 1975 to 1990 as leader of Britain's Conservative Party, leading the country through the Cold War and a war with Argentina over the Falkland Islands. But the Iron Lady was perhaps best known for her unfailing ability to speak her mind, often cutting right to the heart of the matter.

It seems only right to honor her legacy with a look back on the quotes that made her a dominant force in the world: