It used to be that big boobs could help you get ahead in life. Clearly, not anymore. A New Jersey woman claims she was fired for being "too hot" and busty.

Two days into her data entry job at lingerie company Native Intimates, Lauren Odes -- who had asked about a dress code before starting -- was told to tape her breasts down. A supervisor warned her that the Orthodox Jewish store owners allegedly found her curve-hugging looks too "distracting."

When I heard about three police offers who wound up using a taser on a pregnant woman in Seattle, my first thought was that the story was some kind of a joke. Cops tasering a pregnant woman? In some sort of attempt to subdue her? For real?! You gotta be kidding me.

Apparently these three officers became enraged when they pulled Malaika Brooks over for a moving violation while driving her 11-year-old son to school, and she refused to sign the ticket they gave her because she didn't want to admit being guilty when she didn't feel she'd done anything wrong. But in the state of Washington, it's a crime to refuse to sign a ticket -- so they proceeded to arrest her. When Malaika then refused to get out of her car because she was in her last trimester of pregnancy, the cops must have felt really threatened -- because that's when they tased her on her leg, arm, and neck.

And we thought roofies were scary. The date-rape drug has nothing on scopolamine, the zombie drug from Columbia. This odorless, tasteless drug can be blown in your face, and it only takes minutes to affect you, turning you into a slave to suggestion.

The drug commonly known as “Devil’s Breath” comes from a tree in South America with leafy branches and sweet-smelling flowers. Locals call them ‘borrachero’ trees (loosely translated to ‘get-you-drunk’), and Colombian mothers warn their children not to fall asleep under them lest they fall prey to the poisonous pollen.

I'm in shock. Frozen in horror and filled with utter disbelief, sickened to the absolute core by New York State's official ruling on child porn (as of Tuesday):

"The purposeful viewing of child pornography on the internet is now legal in New York."

Feel like you got kicked in the stomach just now? Yeah, that's how I felt, too. Just to reiterate, this is an official state ruling. How did this come to pass?

Well, the ruling is the "result of an appeal filed by lawyers for Professor James D. Kent of Marist College in Poughkeepsie."

See, back in 2009, Kent was convicted of "two counts of promoting a sexual performance of a child and dozens of counts of possessing child pornography." (In case you're wondering, those "dozens" amounted to 141 total.)

If given the chance, here are three questions I would ask the presidential candidates.

1. Can you recount a moment with one or more of your children that changed your perspective on life?

Things change when you procreate. Parenthood sharpens your focus and gives you a sort of foresight that you didn’t know you had. It makes you prioritize and realize what’s important in life. Things that seemed like huge problems before having kids all of sudden don’t demand as much energy or attention as they once did.

When you raise children, you have to learn the delicate balance of helping them succeed versus trusting them to learn their own lessons. I want a president that knows the difference between helping those that really need it and creating a welfare lifestyle. People need help from time to time, but just like we don’t expect our children to be dependent upon us forever, neither should the government expect anyone to be indefinitely on the dole.

Wow. Just wow. Just when you thought it couldn't get any kookier with tanning bed mom, the woman who was arrested for putting her 5-year-old daughter in a tanning bed (which she denies), Patricia Krenticil, was caught by a paparazzo on her way to a hair salon. The intrepid videographer asked the Oompa-Loompa-shaded lady what she had to say about the allegations against her. Krenticil, whose face is the boldest evidence yet that tanning ages you, said people were just after her.

After her because of concern about the welfare of her young daughter? Um, no, not quite. Make sure you're not drinking anything, because this will make you spit-take ...

Daniel Chong, the college student who was mistakenly left alone in a holding cell by Drug Enforcement Administration agents for five days, is now suing the DEA for $20 million. Daniel, as you may recall, was left without food or water, and resorted to drinking his own urine to survive. Jeff Probst should consider this scenario for the next season of Survivor!

Not only did Daniel have to slurp down his own waste, but he went so crazy that he says he suffered hallucinations and tried to kill himself. This is all really horrible. I can't imagine going through what Daniel did. However, if I did have to imagine it, and then I had to imagine winning $20 million for my pains, would it be worth it? Hmmm ...

Rather than gifting neighbors with small baskets of treats this May Day, the Occupy Wall Street crowd (yes, they’re still around) decided to wreck havoc in major cities across the nation. Nothing says, “I’m a serious adult” quite like vandalism. 

Occupy Oakland got started early with vandalism in San Francisco. Participants smashed store windows and cars during a mile-long trek through the city. They also slashed tires and threw bags of paint at buildings.