Woman Named Crystal Metheny Arrested for the Unbelievable (Hint: Not Drugs)

crystal methenyOur names speak for us without us even saying a word. Think about my name ... Michele. Maybe you know a Michele or Michelle (chances are you do since the name was quite popular we won't say how many years ago). Maybe you love this Michele you know. Maybe you dislike her with the force of a thousand suns. You have an opinion on the name Michele without even knowing all the Micheles in the world. The names we are given shape us in some ways. First and last names.

You may have a feeling about the name Crystal. It's a lovely name. But when paired with the last name Metheny, we can't help but wonder what in the world were her parents thinking. And then we're not really shocked to hear that Crystal Metheny was arrested in Florida for guess what?

No, not drugs. Not crystal meth. And thank goodness, otherwise it would be too much to handle. Thirty-seven year-old Crystal Metheny was arrested for shooting a "missile" at a car while people were in it. And yes, that is her real name. Technically this missile was assumed to be some sort of firecracker and it was Cinco de Mayo, so maybe she had one too many celebratory margaritas. Either way, she got in trouble with the police for it.

I suppose if I assaulted someone with a zipper, it would make the news, too. Michele Zipp assaults woman who cut her in the dressing room line with a zipper from dress she was waiting to try on. Zipp. Zipper. Eh, not as funny.

Joe Blow was arrested for doing cocaine ... now that would be funny not funny.

I don't want to make fun of Crystal's name ... it's not her fault, her parents gave it to her. But it kind of seals the deal from the beginning that the chances were slim for her to go on to become a nun or a schoolteacher or a drug counselor.

What do you think of this story? What about that name?

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That was a big stretch with the name bit. And as far as what were her parents thinking; they were probably thinking, what is meth? She's 37yo, was meth a household name drug then?

nonmember avatar Adrien

This was disjointed and makes little sense. Meth had nothing to do with her crime so why do you keep mentioning it? Why are you trying to pick on her for her name? It's Metheny, not Meth. I have family with that last name and it's pronounced Me-thee-knee. And "meth" was not a drug back when she was born. Let's start making fun of people for their names, just like in elementary school! Ohhh fun! Wow. Just wow. Scraping bottom to come up with a story by deadline today, eh?

Guest27 Guest27

This seems to be an attack on her parents name choice. Perhaps, that it is a married name? Maybe she took her husband's last name. Which then would be her choice, not her parents. 

nonmember avatar Jill


If I have my facts remembered correctly, it was Hitler's scientists on who created methamphetamines. They were trying to create a super soldier on which the soldiers were fearless fighters and required little to no food and could stay up for days. So technically WW2 predates this woman's name but it probably wasn't well known as it is now. But, I do agree with your other points and way to libel her name the stir.

alyss... alyssa521

Never knew pur names make decisions for us wether her name is crystal or sarah she made the choice to do that her name didn't

nonmember avatar Peyote

My legal given name is Peyote. For those of you who don't know what it is, it's a hallucinogenic drug. I am a single mother of 2 and I am not a criminal. Her name has nothing to do with it. I start nursing school in September...my name will not stop me from becoming successful!

nonmember avatar Ashley

If you're going to mock her name, could you at least spell it correctly? It's Metheney, not Metheny.

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