Breaking up is hard to do. Moving on can be even harder. And knowing how to move on -- especially when you been done wrong -- the hardest of all. One woman decided to plaster her ex-boyfriend's face on flyers throughout a Brooklyn neighborhood warning other women to watch out for him.
When you see this man RUN!!!
All he does is pimp himself. He will take your money and pu**y and run. All he does is lie to woman. He’s a womanizer, liar, a walking disease, selfish, cheap, and all about him.
And that's just the beginning.
It's clear that this woman isn't happy. It's clear she doesn't think much of this guy. But does she have the right to "warn" other women?
There once was a time I would have said no. I would have said your relationship -- no matter how bad it is -- is your business. But after having lived in a city for a decade where there is virtually no "community" to give you a sense of someone else's history, I've begun to change my mind.
The reality is there are predators out there (I'm not saying this guy is one, I don't know what happened there), and they get away with a huge amount in big cities simply because there is no accountability. There is no aunt, no sister, no mom, no friend, to say, "Honey, he broke his last ten girlfriend's hearts -- and stole all their money."
Granted, not every report is correct. But if you hear negative things from enough people -- or one trusted person -- you at least have a choice. You can move forward and hope the reports aren't true. You can give the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise. Or you can run for your life.
But without that early warning system, you are flailing around in the dark. And people can come across as totally upstanding, charming, reliable, and wonderful -- until it's too late.
Of course, every woman (and man) needs to make her romantic choices her own responsibility. She needs to keep her eye out for signs. But signs aren't always so clear.
Some time ago, I had a romantic encounter that left me confused. The guy did something, and had an explanation for it, but the explanation had a few holes in it. At the time, I really wished there was an ex-girlfriend of his -- or even a friend or acquaintance -- that I could have turned to and asked, "Is what he's saying correct? What's his history? What do you think happened?" And yet there was no one.
I left on my own to decide to get either more deeply involved -- and possibly extremely burned -- or to cut something off perhaps prematurely. I went with the safe option and cut it off but I would have felt more comfortable doing that with more information.
Yes, there are sites like Don't Date Him Girl, but the chances of a guy you know being on there are pretty small. (Plus, who wants to risk getting sued for defamation of character?) You can check arrest records, but plenty of douchebags have never been arrested. There's man-rating app "Lulu," but you can only rate your Facebook friends. And a lot of people don't -- and shouldn't -- remain Facebook friends with their exes.
As a woman, do you have the obligation to "warn" other women about your ex or even a guy you happen to know?
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And how exactly do you go about that unless you know the new woman? If you track her down online and send her a message -- she'll probably just think you're crazy. (Especially since he will tell her that too.)
One friend of mine agonized over whether to warn her ex's new fianceé about a VERY dark side of her ex. They got engaged so quickly she figured there was no way the new woman could know yet. But ultimately she decided it wasn't her business -- she didn't know the new woman -- and she would eventually figure it out. But it's sort of sad that the woman had no one to say, "Hey, this is what happened with me. Maybe it won't with you, but just FYI."
So what do we do ladies? Has anyone ever warned you about a man? Have you ever warned anyone else?