People who hunt for Bigfoot should follow a very specific set of rules. That has become abundantly clear. But let's get back to those rules in a minute. First I have to tell you about the Bigfoot hunt that went terribly, terribly wrong. Our story begins in Oklahoma. (I know, you thought I was going to say Florida, second guess Texas, right?) Three people were arrested after one man was shot in the back. I want you to know that shooting victim is still alive and is expected to recover from his wounds. But the rest of these yahoos are clearly losing the Game of Life.
Oh God, where to begin. It's such a confounded mess. A bunch of friends marched into the forest with rifles in search of Bigfoot. The predictable ensued: One man was shot. When the police got involved, everyone got together and told conflicting stories, because that's the kind of smart thing Bigfoot hunters do.
I can't even tell exactly what the lies were. Omar Pineda was arrested after telling the police he shot his friend after getting spooked from a noise. His father-in-law, Perry Don James, was arrested for throwing Omar's rifle into a pond -- which he did because he's a convicted felon who shouldn't be handling a firearm at all. And then the shooter's wife, Lacey Jane Pineda, was arrested for obstruction after lying about the shooting. Rogers County Sheriff Scott Walton told News On 6:
If [they] had just been factual, upfront and truthful with us and explained that this was truly an accident, as strange as it might sound, we would have went ahead and investigated and probably nobody would have [gone] to jail. [But] ... when you start off with an explanation like that, [how] do you believe anything after that?
HOW INDEED. Wait, what part did they lie about? The Bigfoot hunt? Who shot whom how and when? I'm confused. Well anyway, the point is, apparently there are a few rules you should keep in mind if you desire to hunt for Bigfoot.
1. Don't bring rifles. Seriously, just do not. You're going to kill him? No one wants Bigfoot dead. Just bring some cameras. Take pictures, leave nothing behind, especially not a bullet in your friend's back or a rifle in a pond.
2. Don't hunt for Bigfoot if you're too embarrassed to admit that's what you're doing. I'm not positive, but I think maybe that's what's behind some of this mess.
3. Maybe don't hunt for Bigfoot because he doesn't actually exist.
Are we all clear? Because shooting your friend in a Bigfoot hunt, whether or not that's what you were really doing, is just not something anyone should have to live with. For crying out loud. Choose cameras, not guns.
What's your opinion of people who believe in Bigfoot?
Image via Zach Zupancic/Flickr